Have you ever found yourself caught between taking a chance in life and then almost instantly doubting yourself. I know I have. Let me give you an example from my own life. When my little dog died a few years ago… my wife was pestering me about getting a replacement dog. In my heart I really wanted another dog but in my head I was really annoyed because the other dog was barely cold in his grave. In my heart I knew I wanted one but my head was telling me it was a bad idea. One Sunday morning I woke up and had a rush of excitement. “Let’s get a dog!” What happened? I got a dog! My heart overruled my head.

What are head choices?

Your head choices are those that you make when you rationalise. You look at the options, perhaps use the decision maker, you think it through, you come to a conclusion. You use the head option. The head is where we store information about the world like our concept of the world and so on.

What are heart choices?

Choices of the heart are those that you make that come from the inside. The heart makes choices about what we think for us because it’s an intuitive inner feeling. A gut instinct that you can overrule if you really try. One time I went to apply for a job and my heart broke out inside me. It was as if God was saying, ‘Don’t do it!’ That was the heart. My head was like, ‘this is a great job what’s the problem?’ I didn’t take the job because if life I have learned to listen to my heart. Many times when I haven’t it’s been a bloody disaster.

The choice often is rationalised in the human life yet so many of our choices are hardly that. There is no point planning out a life if you aren’t prepared to take chances based on what you feel is the right path. This is inner guidance. If you believe only what you see… life for you will be a stale adventure. Not only will you only accept what you know, you will never believe in what you don’t see and know the importance of vision in the human life. Your head has it’s place as the guiding master builder of your life but it should not replace the desires of one’s heart.

Alright so I waited 160 odd posts before I spoke about cricket. You have to know when it’s time to quit something. Here are two examples from two of my favorite cricketers.

Justin Langer

I was listening to an interview with Justin Langer the other day and he said after hearing how excited Matthew Hayden was about an up coming series. I remember him saying, “How am I going to get that back?” I felt when I was listening to this that he had lost the burning ambition to play cricket for his country. This is important. This doesn’t mean that if you lose the desire to do something that you should quit. I have lost the desire to do exercise plenty of times but I know I need to be doing it! I mean, when the passion slips out of what you do for a living… I am sorry … but you need to go do something else. Again, this is what living through the heart is all about. Don’t quit your job just yet, take stock of where you are and think it through.

Knowing the time to quit: Adam Gilchrist

Recently Adam Gilchrist shocked the cricketing world by announcing his retirement. When it came time to explain his decision he said, “I just knew”. What did he mean? He meant he felt inside that it was time for him to move on with his life. I have felt this often in my life and most of the time it has worked out well for me. There is a difference between feeling like it’s time to quit and knowing it. Knowing is a inner sensation that lets you know that it’s time. The feeling may be reactionary because of pressure or some thoughts that may be occupying your mind. Knowing is a deeper ‘heart’ thing that comes to you. Here is a simple test you can do to see if what you are feeling is coming from your sub-conscious or somewhere deeper.

When you think about a change in your life are you convinced or are you talking yourself into it? If you are talking yourself into it the chances are you are ‘trying’. You never try to do something of the heart … it just is. You can’t be something you already are! You can’t reason out the heart … it just is. Pay good attention to it!

The point here is that these two cricketers made choices not on an emotion but on the heart. The head and the heart often conflict but ultimately the heart should win out. If you follow this I believe you are heading to a good place!

This is part of an on-going conversation I am having on the heart

There is a saying: once bitten, twice shy. So what happens when you get bitten repeatedly by the same dog over and over again? There can be no doubt that you should avoid that dog because it turns on you too often. I had a dog like that once so I got rid of it. There is another dog that bit me more times than I can count. It’s the dog of the modern mainstream church.

Now before you start, I would like to say I am still a Christian and yes I do things that are considered so. Have a look at my about page (up and to the right!). I am happily involved in Christian based aid. So what’s the beef I have with church?

Why I won’t go to church anymore

My experiences with church go back a long way. However, the most recent event broke my heart. My oldest daughter had been going to a church group for a little over two years. Last Sunday I was hanging around just watching what she was doing.  I noticed that none of the other children were talking to her.  In fact they were ignoring her. She walked up to a few people and they just looked away. Now, I know that perhaps I shouldn’t be so sensitive. But, you would think after two years that kids would get to know other kids?  The problem for her was that she was not attending the school attached to the church so she was outcast.

The funny thing is two minutes before that a person said to me, ‘are you new here?’ I had been going for two years. I would also like to add that went to groups and participated in events for some time. So why the stigma? I don’t know.

So what’s the big deal? A bunch of other kids won’t talk to my children. So what? Well this is the big deal. If you don’t fit into a church they exclude you. Don’t believe me? Go into your local “mainstream church” and carry a baby with no visible husband in sight. Tell me what happens. I will tell you a story of how they wouldn’t take a photo of my sister in law for their church ‘family wall’ due to the fact the she told them she was a single mother.  They totally ignored her and nobody spoke to her for the duration so-called “welcome to our church” function. They realised she was a single mother and thought we don’t want that in here.  They mustn’t think Jesus, would want his photo taken with a single mother.  That’s disgusting!

When I left a church I was attending as an active member for over three years I was humilitated by the fact that they ignored me on the street.  I had shared personal secrets with these people but because I wasn’t in the “clique” anymore I was excommunicated.  I was invisible to them.  Even though I made firm eye contact.  These were people that I felt were my friends. Friendship for most church people does not extend past the building or the immediate circle of church goers.

Church is no longer about Christ it’s about empire building

Empires are what early Christians fled from because they were being killed by the dozens. Somewhere along the line the church decided to become the empire of ‘Christ’ and didn’t consult God about it. It’s one thing to assume you are the leader of a group but quite another to use your authority to make your own empire. Why do we have such big congregations that grow by the thousands when people like me and my sister in law are excluded? Ego? It’s so that an empire can be built in the name of God. I have no problem with people being successful and believe it or not no problem with large churches. Who am I to criticise what people want to do? Go for it. But, what about the fractured? What about the outcasts and excluded? Society already frowns on them… so why exclude them? For God’s sake read your bible. Jesus spent his whole time with hookers, tax agents and the working class of his day. I don’t think he was that offended by these people.

Church suits certain personality types

I am not an outgoing person by nature. I am introverted. I cringe at the sight of people attending parties and the like and I can imagine some of you do too. I am not the sort of person to engage in self-promotion or anything like that. It’s not in my nature to even want to be found. It’s the way I like it. I am not openly attracted to large groups neither am I the kind of person to be found at the centre of attention. Perhaps this is where I differ from the expectations of church goers.  They want hugging, kisses, meet and greet and want to live in your pocket. I don’t want to see empires. I want to see a difference. The world has major problems and I am yet to attend a church that even makes a difference in it’s own community. That is not to say there isn’t one. I am sure there is. You just won’t see me there.

Challenging church mentalities on ‘tithing’

There is a lot of debate about giving in the church. Personally it’s your money, do what you want with it. If you wish to give it to a person to support them to teach you their version of the bible and build a great big building then that’s your choice. When my wife wrote a letter to the church asking them how we could afford to tithe when we couldn’t afford to pay our bills I was mystified by their response. In a fairly “nice” letter we were told we just have to be obedient. Ah, the works gospel in evidence again. How can one be obedient when the resources required to do so are absent? So I tell the bank, who is going to bankrupt me, that my tithe is due and I have to be obedient to God. No matter which way you look at this it’s manipulation of the worst kind. When you tell someone who is struggling, that they just have to obedient; or else they fall under a ‘curse’, you are missing the point. Oh and by the way I still don’t tithe even though I paid off most of my debts in one year through a miraculous chain of events.  All things are possible to them who believe! I am giver but out of a cheerful heart not because the pastor told me so. And I am not bound to do so according to way I see ‘grace’.

I am speaking about the churches I have attended and I have to say that my case is my case. It’s not your case. You may get something tremendous out of church. They may not isolate you or make judgments from afar. They do to me.  One morning I “woke up” when reading my bible. It said that you can’t put new wine into old wineskins. Why not? Because they will break. If you mix rules and regulations with Grace you don’t have a real Gospel you have a works minded flesh fest.  You can’t make God do what you want then expect him to like it either.  So why do we persist in religious routines?  That is outside my understanding at this stage.

Over the past two years I have worked very hard to fit in. I tried to belong and even made an effort for my children’s sake to get them go along to church. I went to meetings, I attended home groups and yes I even went out the front several times. Evidently, it was all in vain. In my experience the modern mainstream churches are missing heart. And yes this is another post of mine on the heart. I will never stop being a Christian because of my life experiences but that doesn’t mean you will see me in a church anytime soon. I have had too many bad experiences to go near that dog again. Can I suggest if it bites you … run. It’s a real mongrel when it gets a hold of you.

This is another post of my on-going conversation about the heart.

Imagine for a moment you are a child alone in a room filled with strangers. What would be your first thought? You may be apprehensive, worried about what others may think about you. Another child approaches and says to you, ‘won’t you come and play with me?’ You have been introduced to the world of selflessness.

Selflessness: an impossible dream

This example act of the child approaching the other and asking them to play is used here to serve as a reminder. Do something absolutely shocking for someone this week just because you want to help them out. I think we could start an epidemic of massive proportions if we dedicated one act of selflessness to someone this week. The self, or who we are, can at times become more real to us than the needs of others. We live with ourselves, so how can you escape you and who you are? You can’t. It’s like being locked in a room full of mirrors.

Moving beyond yourself

The self is an illusion. We have personalities, traits, likes, dislikes and genes but the image we build of ourselves is largely a sleight of hand trick that is bred into us at some point. When you look into a mirror what is it you see? Your face staring back at you? Or your reflection? It’s an image. Most of the time who you think you are is an image of what you think you should be. Who you are is simple. You are you. You have gifts, talents, creative abilities. You can put those things to use to help others. When you begin to do this, even in the smallest way (without becoming a total sellout fanboy), you open up a new realm of life that’s infinitely more pleasurable.

The child who asked to come and play is you and me. Why don’t you spend some time this week doing one thing for someone where you lose just a bit of your self. See how it feels to do something for another person. How many times have you thought of doing something for someone only to excuse yourself through pointless reasoning. Listen to your heart. Do it today. Don’t wait. Life is over before the wind changes anyway so just go for it.

This is part of an on-going conversation I am having about the heart.

A few weeks ago my wife and I acquired a couple of watches from my father that he had been given for free. Our first thought was let’s take them to the local pawn shop to see if we can get some money back for them. I know… what can I say it’s the entrepreneur in me. When we got there we saw what I think is a blight on pawn shops. A lady who was white, shaking and clearly in need of a fix was standing at the counter with a pile of DVD’s. I looked around and it occurred to me… what kind of business profits off the failure of society more so than the pawn shop? That aside, I noticed something else. And yes, considering I am on dreams, the heart and so on at the moment (for some reason) I noticed that I was standing in the house of broken dreams.

When you travel into a store like the one I went to you notice the guitars, the drum kits, the stereo systems and the like on display. How did they get there? Drug users, failed musicians, trades people who can’t get work and so on put them there. Where do the desperate, the failures and the like go when there is nowhere else to go?

The pawn shop is a business that makes it’s profit on broken dreams

The world is a harsh place. For every success there are a hundred failures. If you don’t believe me take a trip to any major city and have a look at a pawn shop. It’s the place where the end of line has been reached for a lot of people. People who had dreams of their own, desires but somehow missed out. These are the ones that didn’t make it. When I went to the store it really struck me how heart wrenching it is when you have had a dream in your grasp and it was ripped out of your hands. You do get desperate. You do begin to think… what did I do to deserve this? The answer to that is beyond this post… sure I could reason it out… blame people, God, whoever. But at the end of the day the broken dream is still there isn’t it?

Should we blame the pawn shops for cashing in on broken dreams?

The question perhaps should be framed this way: Why do pawn shops exist? They exist because there is a demand for them. This stems from the need for people to sell something or offload something in exchange for something else. Eventually as a meditated on the situation I came to the point in my thinking where I reached a paradox. Here we have a business that takes away things in exchange for money because people have a need. The businesses like Cash Converters exist because someone is there to feed them. The need is the problem not the shop. Take away the need and you take away the shop. This raises another question:

Why are there so many broken dreams?

What happens to a life when it falls short of it’s potential? I don’t really know. I can say that I was reminded of it at Cash Converters the other day when I saw all of the lost hope in the eyes of the people there. The reality is why does a business decide to profit of broken dreams. I am not one of those people who believe that businesses can sell whatever they like. Greed is not good.

Businesses need to bring the heart back

Making money can be done in a way that society is improved and not devalued. I think establishments like Cash Converters elevate the status of the dollar above human worth. As Gordon Gecko says: ‘Greed is good’. A business that profits off broken dreams and people who do the same have lost their heart. Business can be conducted in a way that it profits both the owners and the customers without destroying lives. So, I hear you say: What about some examples?

Examples of businesses with heart

The first place that comes to mind for me, is Gloria Jeans coffee. On this page you can read about the things they are doing to build a better future in various communities. W.I.S.E is another example of what I am talking about and you can watch this video below to explain it better than I can:

This is social entrepreneurship. A more recent famous example can be found in Richard Branson’s decision to invest future profits in reducing global warming:

What about another example? Imagine taking over a company at a young age and running yourself into the ground with stress? That’s exactly what Ricardo Semler did. To combat that he set out to build a democratic workplace where people got to vote for their managers, negotiate their pay scales, choose their work hours and so on. If you are ever in the mood I would recommend reading the book called Maverick or the Seven Day Weekend. Recently the 7:30 report ran this story on him:

I could go on for hours citing examples of people who have changed their businesses by putting the heart first. For me, a business should be about building dreams not destroying them. It should be about letting those who make it help build something for those who can’t. It’s a two way street that goes beyond personal wealth into the area of social wealth where we build this world as well as success. I don’t think there can be anything wrong with that?

This post is the first in a number of posts on bringing the heart back to business. It’s the theme of the month at the moment!

Imagine you have just reached your dream. What would that feel like? Think for a moment what is it you really dream about? Say it was to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. If that was your burning desire what on earth would stop you from doing it? Money? Time? What about if you had two legs amputated below the knee? Warren Macdonald suffered a horrible fate of losing both legs below the knee after being crushed by a rock on a trek in Hinchinbrook Island, Australia. Yet he managed to reach his goal and climb Mount Kilimanjaro. So what’s your impossible dream?

Dreams are meant to be impossible

The fact is when we were formed dreams were formed in us. I don’t care what your friends told you or what you think… you have some deep down burning desire in you that wants to form itself into an actual reality. As I have said before there are two kinds of reality that we need to be concerned with.  That which is active and that which is passive.  The passive kind are the dreams we have and the things we entertain in our heart.    These things are what I am talking about today.  What is it that you deeply dream about?   What are the things you have in your heart to do?  Write them down.

The main goal of having a dream

The major thing you need to do when you have a dream is to think about it.  Don’t shuffle it under the carpet and pretend like it’s not there.  Your dream is that thing that keeps you up at night, that niggle in the back of your mind.  It’s the thing you would do if you could do anything.  It’s meant to be impossible because it will take miracles, action and much faith to get the thing off the ground.  If it didn’t why would you dream about it?  If it was possible there would be no need to dream about it.  You would just do it.

So what can I do about my dream?

The thing I have maintained having reached a dream or two in my life (getting a post graduate degree and a PhD… almost there) I can say that there are several things you need to know.  The most important for this post is this: hold on to it.  Don’t let it go.   There are many things I want to achieve before I go home but that doesn’t mean I am a failure.  The only failures I have met are people who fail to try.  So what’s your dream?  The first and most important thing you need to do is work that out and hold on to it no matter what.   Never give up.