I recently got my PhD. It was a horrible experience and unless you are passionate about a subject I would recommend that you think twice about doing it. I can say that the title “Dr.” is nice to have … but the price is really high. That aside, there is something I learned about self-worth when I was doing it.

People have a certain idea of what you should be… ignore them

I can’t count the amount of times people spoke down to me, called me names or put me down because of my rank. This is silly because the worth of somebody is not described by their personal monetary value or rank in some stupid ladder. It’s determined by you. The problem is only you can say what you worth and you exude it by your actions.

Under the guise of helping you… people often make themselves feel better by putting you down

In this strange arrangement called society we have all kinds of ranks and files. There are literally plagues of people getting their sense of self-worth from their position or their rank. You will hear all kinds of abusive nonsense from people who are in power above you but don’t let it get to you. I handle it by venting, relaxing and refocusing. So they put you down? You really have two choices… stand up to them and tell them what’s what or walk away. Option 2 works best for me though I don’t always follow it. Hey I am as human as they come. Sometimes I will yell and scream… but more often than not I walk away. It’s easier and makes the other person responsible for what happens next.

People who hug their rank and steal your joy are really soulless life sucking vampires from hell

The title says it all. People who think they can dominate you through overpowering you with their rank are very insecure. Their is a flipside or two to this subject as well… they are dangerous. People that have no clue as to leadership and how to be a cool person will almost always slam you down to the ground just to do it. Your choice is to be a person that people remark about in a positive way. You don’t want to be in the same group as people who are bootlickers of the machine empire of doom. No, you want to be a person who is a creative light unto the world, bringing joy and peace with you. Not some sense of worth derived from wealth, money, rank or something artificial like that. Robots are robots… never forget that. They will always do what the machine wants. See my post about ants if you need more info there.

So what is a bastard?

A bastard in my dictionary (you won’t find that on the internet) is someone who dominates someone else for the sheer joy of keeping the ‘status quo’ or dominating people. Don’t you ever just want to wake up and see what’s going on around you? Dammit! Break out of your machine-like cubes and run for justice. There is a door that leads to freedom here somewhere I just have to find it. But I digress.

If you are in situation with a bastard who is dominating you can I suggest the following: you are the victim of a sick relationship. If life is about career, performance and such things then you are only looking at ‘material’ things to adjust to your self-worth. Eventually, these things will come to let you down and you will be left wondering (as you sip your chi-latte) exactly where did I go wrong? Here’s something cool I gained from my time in church:

Treat others as you want to be treated and love others as you learn to love yourself

This never works for me because most people I meet (including myself) are filled with a sense of anger and frustration at where their life is heading. How many people (bastards) have you met that are using you to vent their anger on you? Lots. The choice is yours… you can let them get you down or walk away. Here are some cool techniques I use to cope. Hey, I am an emo-right brained person who feels it when he is slammed so zip it and read the list sweetheart:

Be like Flanders

Look them square in the eye and put a positive spin on it. Say things like, “I am glad you think I am an BLEEP now I know who not to ask for advice. THANKS!” By diffusing the situation and being positive you remain in control of reality.  There are many things you can do here.  Smile and nod is my choice.  It’s funny how irritated people get when you do that!

Use your imagination

Switching frames (perspectives) is a really good way to get over this. I would say this has helped me the most. When a moron is in your face with their blah blah blah do this: Imagine their face blowing up like a balloon. What I often do is wait until they have finished then go into my room, shut the door and imagine them falling over or watching their face twist out of shape. It takes the seriousness out of the situation and makes you get your peace back. Life without a sense of peace is horrible.

Agree with them

When they are on the rant stand up and agree. It will confuse the crap out of them and then they will have nowhere to go. So if they say, “you are lazy” say… “you got my number!” Then they have no way of venting their anger towards you. What you can do then is have the upper hand by walking away because they have nowhere to go except to crawl up the corporate anus!

Make random noise while they speak

This has only worked for me once. Usually people who hear it wonder what the hell is wrong with me and walk away. Here’s the key: people who pick on you have a low sense of self-worth and they are looking to give you the same disease. Stuff that! I would rather sit at home in my glorious mansion (okay so it’s 89 square metre dump… I am dreaming!) and be content then listen to some old BS about productivity or efficiency. Michael Porter can kiss my ass!

Run away

This is an option you can take when your the victim of a bastard. Run. Yeah the tank is empty this is the last one. I have used this and it works.

Don’t let some jerk steal your self-worth. You are worth it.  A really good friend of mine told me not to let people steal my self-esteem.  You can take it and look gracious or get revenge (not a good idea – it only ends up making you like the evil machine of doom I call “work”).   Let me encourage you saying you are worth it… you are a person who has integrity, dignity and self-respect.  A job is not part of your identity … it’s something you do because you have kids to feed or cats to feed or a habit [sic] to feed.  Work steals the soul along with the heart of people who take it too seriously.  There is something good about working… if you love it and your spirit is being fed.  Look up the day is getting brighter all the time because you are a person who is a winner.

In my country (Australia) we very rarely encourage each other.  We are hard workers.  It’s just not in the Aussie culture to go up to someone at work and say, ‘you are doing a great job… keep it up’… or to pat some one on the back and go, “well done”.  I can count on my fingers the amount of times this has happened to me.  Why don’t you buck the trend if this is the case for you in your workplace.  Encourage people, be kind and if you are a boss (like I am more often than I would like the responsibility to be totally honest) treat your people like they mean something.  Don’t be a jerk like your boss is to you.  The final thing I want to say today is this: if you let the bastards get you down then the machine of doom wins.  It can’t win unless you let it.  Remember, it may steal your soul but it can’t steal your spirit.  Thats you in that meatsuit.    I hope that you learn to cope with difficult people who are bastards.  I am getting there… each day more strength and more ability to cope is coming my way.  It’s my hope that it’s coming to you too.

I recently logged into my facebook account for the first time in a long time.  I was fidgeting around trying to make sense of it (like always… they need a design team to look at it… seriously!).  I noticed I had been given a friend for sale at the premium value of $100!  This got me thinking… what is my life really worth?  Can I quantify it?

Of course I can quantify it.  My net worth is probably around the low 5s.  I will let you work out how many zeros (if any) to place after that.  More to the point, if I had to put a value on myself as a commodity you bet your bottom dollar I would be putting on a lot more than $100!  My life and yours cannot be quantified.   The question for me was: How much am I worth?

I am worth something.  To society it’s one thing, to friends and enemies it’s something else entirely.  Once I was unfortunate enough to get pneumonia.  For a spell I couldn’t breathe.  It wasn’t until my breath was gone that I really thought about how nice it was to breathe.  Air is GOOD!  So here’s what I think life is worth… one more day.   Each new day is yet another chance to do something great for God, my family and the people I love.

Life is not worth money… it’s time that’s the value adder.  The more time you get the better life will be IF each and every day you are building, growing and making the best of it.  You may be worth $100 like me or less (depends who you ask) but tomorrow you may be worth $1000.  Life is worth what you think it is… I can assure you … it’s worth a lot more than most people think.

I was reading this via What would you do and began to wonder what would I do if I had terminal cancer.  What I accept it and prepare for my death or would I fight.  What surprised me about this survey was the amount of people who opted out of knowing right away.  A very close friend of mine has bowel cancer at the moment and he is going in for surgery this weekend.   So my short sharp question to you is this:  what is your life worth to you?

In a previous post I spoke about the problems of life. I want to write briefly today about a way we can walk through problems using a dartboard approach. What is the dartboard approach? In short, the dartboard approach is where you take a best guess as what you should do and take it from there. Also remembering, to let go and just go for it. Here are some of the hallmarks to the dartboard approach.

1. When you can’t work out what to do… do something!

If you are stuck for an idea take whatever you can and just straight up go for it.  What’s the worse thing that could happen?  If it involves money take your time and consider your shot before throwing BUT don’t do nothing.  Make a plan that involves you taking some action first.

2. Make sure it’s an educated guess

When thinking through problems you have to look at what your options are and be thinking strategically.  A confident dart player does not simply shut their eyes and hurl the projectile without thought.  They are working off a ‘best guest’ scenario as to what their opponent is thinking.  In short they are sizing up their own plan of attack against what they think is the opponents next move.  There is no answer to what somebody will do next but those that make an educated guess and then take action are more likely to be right than wrong most of the time.

3. Have confidence in your choices 

I would hate to tell you this but most decisions are driven by emotions.  That means, you have a decision you make based on the emotions you have and as a consequence will often favour those.  If you are like me, you have a problem believing in yourself.  This means, most of the time you write something only to receive a criticism from somebody else who drags you down.  Remember, they are not responsible for your decisions… you are.  Listen to good counsel by all means (my next point), but do not allow yourself to be told by someone that you have no right to make choices.  You do have that right.  You should therefore be confident and say to yourself, ‘I made a choice and I am happy with it.’  Be confident and know that your choice is a good educated guess and it’s relevant to you and your situation.

4. Talk to others

When planning and taking action it’s a key thing to remember that you are not alone.  You have people around you that care deeply for you and if you ask them they will help you talk it through.   People are there to help.   If it’s a tough decision talk to them about it if you need a fresh set of eyes.   In a later post I will be speaking about how we can recognise the role emotions play in our lives.

5. Pray

Before I make a big decision I turn to God and ask him to help me.  After all, he is interested.  So I pray and ask for a feeling through my inner man that what I am about to do is right for me.  This works most of the time for me.  Sometimes I get a horrible feeling in my gut and this tells me not to do that thing I was planning.  Other times I feel comfortable or at peace with it… so this helps too.  There are times when my life seems to be going nowhere… if I stop and talk to God about it and write down what I believe he is telling me then I fair a lot better than I do otherwise.

In all of these things it’s important to recognise that life is not certain.  I was not born near a roadmap neither was I handed a list of what I am to do here.  Largely, I believe, it’s us to me what I do and how I travel.  I believe in destiny but at the same time I believe we have a free choice to make.  When I am struggling I resort to this list and it’s helped me greatly.  One time I didn’t know whether I should enrol in a course or not.  So I just enrolled.  I figured that, if I take the chance, I will probably be fine even if I get it wrong.  What happens if I do and I fail? Unless what you are planning to do is dangerous to others… so what?  I have failed at heaps of things and each one of those failures eventually led to an open door somewhere else that became a success.  Am I saying that you have to fail to succeed.  Yes.  So just think about it and throw that dart!

Thanks for reading.  Why not talk about this article in my forum? Alternatively you can leave a comment or talk to me personally about it.

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