Have you ever found yourself caught between taking a chance in life and then almost instantly doubting yourself. I know I have. Let me give you an example from my own life. When my little dog died a few years ago… my wife was pestering me about getting a replacement dog. In my heart I really wanted another dog but in my head I was really annoyed because the other dog was barely cold in his grave. In my heart I knew I wanted one but my head was telling me it was a bad idea. One Sunday morning I woke up and had a rush of excitement. “Let’s get a dog!” What happened? I got a dog! My heart overruled my head.

What are head choices?

Your head choices are those that you make when you rationalise. You look at the options, perhaps use the decision maker, you think it through, you come to a conclusion. You use the head option. The head is where we store information about the world like our concept of the world and so on.

What are heart choices?

Choices of the heart are those that you make that come from the inside. The heart makes choices about what we think for us because it’s an intuitive inner feeling. A gut instinct that you can overrule if you really try. One time I went to apply for a job and my heart broke out inside me. It was as if God was saying, ‘Don’t do it!’ That was the heart. My head was like, ‘this is a great job what’s the problem?’ I didn’t take the job because if life I have learned to listen to my heart. Many times when I haven’t it’s been a bloody disaster.

The choice often is rationalised in the human life yet so many of our choices are hardly that. There is no point planning out a life if you aren’t prepared to take chances based on what you feel is the right path. This is inner guidance. If you believe only what you see… life for you will be a stale adventure. Not only will you only accept what you know, you will never believe in what you don’t see and know the importance of vision in the human life. Your head has it’s place as the guiding master builder of your life but it should not replace the desires of one’s heart.

My job is not my life and at times I can say without a shadow of a doubt… I would quit if I had the opportunity.  The fact of the matter is that work is getting in the way of my dreams.  The daily adminstrative automaton-like work I spew out stops me from spending quality time working on building a more fulfilling life.   I am sure you are in the same boat.   So what are we to do about it?

Phase 1 - make a heart choice to follow your dreams…

The first thing you can do is make a choice that whatever you think you should be doing that you decide to do it. Ultimately you can choose what’s sensible, necessary and obvious for the time being. But at the very least you can make a heart commitment that you are going to follow what you dream about. What’s the harm? Just open it up and say I will do it! It won’t cost you a cent.  Don’t go quitting jobs or firing people… just say you will do it.

Phase 2 - Spend quality time inside your imagination building it on a daily basis

I read in Embraced by the light, a woman’s perception of the afterlife; that life is fully lived in the imagination. What we can imagine doing… we end up doing. Our imagination was given to us as a building tool.  It’s not just for sexy daydreams!  It’s a great way to open up your mind to things you didn’t think were possible.  Imagine yourself living your dream.  Why?  Simply, because… what you imagine today… you do tomorrow. 

Phase 3 - Look for opportunities and spend dedicated time learning about what you need to do in order to reach your dream

There is always a ‘doing’ cycle in reaching a goal. That doing is not paramount, in fact it’s the least important. You act and build your life from a creative vision you have growing on the inside. Purpose, is built from the inside out.

This works for me: When I am looking to build something and I have inner confirmation that I should be doing it I say (speaking is acting… if you say it with meaning and purpose), “I am expecting you God to help me reach this goal today because I perceive you want me to do it, so I thank you in advance for opportunities to take positive steps towards the end result. I expect good things to happen to me today.” You will be surprised at what you can do as a result of simply saying things like this. Yes, it’s the whole carpark thing but for some reason it works for me. It may not for you so put down your rocks.  The point is find what does work by trying and stick to it like glue.

The other part of the ‘acting’ part is to begin to look into and inquire about the the thing you wish to do. Learn what you can… this is a small part but it’s where you can do the least. If you dream to buy a yacht why not learn about them? Don’t spend all day in the store OR get overwhelmed by the stupid price of these things. Why not save up and take sailing lessons? Or hire a book or two from the library on sailing. Maybe, you can ask around and score a free ride from somebody? Who knows what can happen? To be honest… when the timing is right I have always noticed (often in hindsight) things that I was doing were required to help me in achieving the goal.

So where to from here?

What are you going to do? Are you going to build into your life the possibility of making a difference or are you going to sit back and be an armchair critic? I can assure you of this simple fact: unless you begin to think things can change today, tomorrow will still present you with the same old BS it did yesterday. This is a matter of choice. Are you going to build your dreams by at the very least looking into it or will be like the rest of the ants in this world and simply follow orders. The choice is yours.

In the movie ‘Face-Off’ a evil character swaps the face for a good character. The movie follows this concept by showing how much the two characters learn about each others identity. I got thinking just now about this and wondered how many faces do you have? Here is a brief list of sorts of the faces I thought that I put on:

The face for work

At work I have a way I talk and act. That’s not to say I change my personality to suit work but I communicate differently with people at work than I do at home. This is to be expected I suppose.

My face for my children

When I get angry with my children, I put on a face. I let them know I am angry. They get the point … hopefully. When I want them to do something I put on another face. Now, I am always me but there are times when I am communicate with my kids that I want them to see a side of me that’s important. So I put on a face.

A variety of other faces

I have a variety of faces for different situations. I relate to different people in different ways and sometimes use a another type of language when I am communicating what I am trying to say.

What I am saying is this: don’t let people work you out that easily. Speak the language that’s appropriate for the occasion and watch your face. This is how you let other people know what you mean and how you say it. This is important because the face you put on is what you give people to read. Think about this as you communicate with people.

Alright so I waited 160 odd posts before I spoke about cricket. You have to know when it’s time to quit something. Here are two examples from two of my favorite cricketers.

Justin Langer

I was listening to an interview with Justin Langer the other day and he said after hearing how excited Matthew Hayden was about an up coming series. I remember him saying, “How am I going to get that back?” I felt when I was listening to this that he had lost the burning ambition to play cricket for his country. This is important. This doesn’t mean that if you lose the desire to do something that you should quit. I have lost the desire to do exercise plenty of times but I know I need to be doing it! I mean, when the passion slips out of what you do for a living… I am sorry … but you need to go do something else. Again, this is what living through the heart is all about. Don’t quit your job just yet, take stock of where you are and think it through.

Knowing the time to quit: Adam Gilchrist

Recently Adam Gilchrist shocked the cricketing world by announcing his retirement. When it came time to explain his decision he said, “I just knew”. What did he mean? He meant he felt inside that it was time for him to move on with his life. I have felt this often in my life and most of the time it has worked out well for me. There is a difference between feeling like it’s time to quit and knowing it. Knowing is a inner sensation that lets you know that it’s time. The feeling may be reactionary because of pressure or some thoughts that may be occupying your mind. Knowing is a deeper ‘heart’ thing that comes to you. Here is a simple test you can do to see if what you are feeling is coming from your sub-conscious or somewhere deeper.

When you think about a change in your life are you convinced or are you talking yourself into it? If you are talking yourself into it the chances are you are ‘trying’. You never try to do something of the heart … it just is. You can’t be something you already are! You can’t reason out the heart … it just is. Pay good attention to it!

The point here is that these two cricketers made choices not on an emotion but on the heart. The head and the heart often conflict but ultimately the heart should win out. If you follow this I believe you are heading to a good place!

This is part of an on-going conversation I am having on the heart

There is a saying: once bitten, twice shy. So what happens when you get bitten repeatedly by the same dog over and over again? There can be no doubt that you should avoid that dog because it turns on you too often. I had a dog like that once so I got rid of it. There is another dog that bit me more times than I can count. It’s the dog of the modern mainstream church.

Now before you start, I would like to say I am still a Christian and yes I do things that are considered so. Have a look at my about page (up and to the right!). I am happily involved in Christian based aid. So what’s the beef I have with church?

Why I won’t go to church anymore

My experiences with church go back a long way. However, the most recent event broke my heart. My oldest daughter had been going to a church group for a little over two years. Last Sunday I was hanging around just watching what she was doing.  I noticed that none of the other children were talking to her.  In fact they were ignoring her. She walked up to a few people and they just looked away. Now, I know that perhaps I shouldn’t be so sensitive. But, you would think after two years that kids would get to know other kids?  The problem for her was that she was not attending the school attached to the church so she was outcast.

The funny thing is two minutes before that a person said to me, ‘are you new here?’ I had been going for two years. I would also like to add that went to groups and participated in events for some time. So why the stigma? I don’t know.

So what’s the big deal? A bunch of other kids won’t talk to my children. So what? Well this is the big deal. If you don’t fit into a church they exclude you. Don’t believe me? Go into your local “mainstream church” and carry a baby with no visible husband in sight. Tell me what happens. I will tell you a story of how they wouldn’t take a photo of my sister in law for their church ‘family wall’ due to the fact the she told them she was a single mother.  They totally ignored her and nobody spoke to her for the duration so-called “welcome to our church” function. They realised she was a single mother and thought we don’t want that in here.  They mustn’t think Jesus, would want his photo taken with a single mother.  That’s disgusting!

When I left a church I was attending as an active member for over three years I was humilitated by the fact that they ignored me on the street.  I had shared personal secrets with these people but because I wasn’t in the “clique” anymore I was excommunicated.  I was invisible to them.  Even though I made firm eye contact.  These were people that I felt were my friends. Friendship for most church people does not extend past the building or the immediate circle of church goers.

Church is no longer about Christ it’s about empire building

Empires are what early Christians fled from because they were being killed by the dozens. Somewhere along the line the church decided to become the empire of ‘Christ’ and didn’t consult God about it. It’s one thing to assume you are the leader of a group but quite another to use your authority to make your own empire. Why do we have such big congregations that grow by the thousands when people like me and my sister in law are excluded? Ego? It’s so that an empire can be built in the name of God. I have no problem with people being successful and believe it or not no problem with large churches. Who am I to criticise what people want to do? Go for it. But, what about the fractured? What about the outcasts and excluded? Society already frowns on them… so why exclude them? For God’s sake read your bible. Jesus spent his whole time with hookers, tax agents and the working class of his day. I don’t think he was that offended by these people.

Church suits certain personality types

I am not an outgoing person by nature. I am introverted. I cringe at the sight of people attending parties and the like and I can imagine some of you do too. I am not the sort of person to engage in self-promotion or anything like that. It’s not in my nature to even want to be found. It’s the way I like it. I am not openly attracted to large groups neither am I the kind of person to be found at the centre of attention. Perhaps this is where I differ from the expectations of church goers.  They want hugging, kisses, meet and greet and want to live in your pocket. I don’t want to see empires. I want to see a difference. The world has major problems and I am yet to attend a church that even makes a difference in it’s own community. That is not to say there isn’t one. I am sure there is. You just won’t see me there.

Challenging church mentalities on ‘tithing’

There is a lot of debate about giving in the church. Personally it’s your money, do what you want with it. If you wish to give it to a person to support them to teach you their version of the bible and build a great big building then that’s your choice. When my wife wrote a letter to the church asking them how we could afford to tithe when we couldn’t afford to pay our bills I was mystified by their response. In a fairly “nice” letter we were told we just have to be obedient. Ah, the works gospel in evidence again. How can one be obedient when the resources required to do so are absent? So I tell the bank, who is going to bankrupt me, that my tithe is due and I have to be obedient to God. No matter which way you look at this it’s manipulation of the worst kind. When you tell someone who is struggling, that they just have to obedient; or else they fall under a ‘curse’, you are missing the point. Oh and by the way I still don’t tithe even though I paid off most of my debts in one year through a miraculous chain of events.  All things are possible to them who believe! I am giver but out of a cheerful heart not because the pastor told me so. And I am not bound to do so according to way I see ‘grace’.

I am speaking about the churches I have attended and I have to say that my case is my case. It’s not your case. You may get something tremendous out of church. They may not isolate you or make judgments from afar. They do to me.  One morning I “woke up” when reading my bible. It said that you can’t put new wine into old wineskins. Why not? Because they will break. If you mix rules and regulations with Grace you don’t have a real Gospel you have a works minded flesh fest.  You can’t make God do what you want then expect him to like it either.  So why do we persist in religious routines?  That is outside my understanding at this stage.

Over the past two years I have worked very hard to fit in. I tried to belong and even made an effort for my children’s sake to get them go along to church. I went to meetings, I attended home groups and yes I even went out the front several times. Evidently, it was all in vain. In my experience the modern mainstream churches are missing heart. And yes this is another post of mine on the heart. I will never stop being a Christian because of my life experiences but that doesn’t mean you will see me in a church anytime soon. I have had too many bad experiences to go near that dog again. Can I suggest if it bites you … run. It’s a real mongrel when it gets a hold of you.

This is another post of my on-going conversation about the heart.

Imagine for a moment you are a child alone in a room filled with strangers. What would be your first thought? You may be apprehensive, worried about what others may think about you. Another child approaches and says to you, ‘won’t you come and play with me?’ You have been introduced to the world of selflessness.

Selflessness: an impossible dream

This example act of the child approaching the other and asking them to play is used here to serve as a reminder. Do something absolutely shocking for someone this week just because you want to help them out. I think we could start an epidemic of massive proportions if we dedicated one act of selflessness to someone this week. The self, or who we are, can at times become more real to us than the needs of others. We live with ourselves, so how can you escape you and who you are? You can’t. It’s like being locked in a room full of mirrors.

Moving beyond yourself

The self is an illusion. We have personalities, traits, likes, dislikes and genes but the image we build of ourselves is largely a sleight of hand trick that is bred into us at some point. When you look into a mirror what is it you see? Your face staring back at you? Or your reflection? It’s an image. Most of the time who you think you are is an image of what you think you should be. Who you are is simple. You are you. You have gifts, talents, creative abilities. You can put those things to use to help others. When you begin to do this, even in the smallest way (without becoming a total sellout fanboy), you open up a new realm of life that’s infinitely more pleasurable.

The child who asked to come and play is you and me. Why don’t you spend some time this week doing one thing for someone where you lose just a bit of your self. See how it feels to do something for another person. How many times have you thought of doing something for someone only to excuse yourself through pointless reasoning. Listen to your heart. Do it today. Don’t wait. Life is over before the wind changes anyway so just go for it.

This is part of an on-going conversation I am having about the heart.

Can you imagine getting up every morning and working until you went to bed? What if you made a choice to dedicate your life to a certain cause and all you got in return was criticism and persecution? Well that’s what my wife puts up with everyday. She is a stay at home mother. For this reason, she is my hero. Why?

My wife the hero

I really admire people who stick to their values. My wife is one person who always stands up for what she believes and never backs down. If the world had more people in it who made an attempt to live from their values, in this way, I think we would be much better off as a society. There is another reason why my wife is my hero. She has to put up with me!

Hero’s do what it takes even when nobody else will

By definition a hero is someone who does what they know they have to do when nobody else stands up to do it. There is a person in my life who had a major tragedy when her “husband” decided that life would be better, living with his parents in another country, instead of being around for his very young son. So who stood up to help? My wife. For the past two years she has been helping out to get this person back on her feet by taking her kid three days a week so she can work to support herself. This is what I admire the most about her. She is always there to help in a time of need.

The most important thing about a hero

A hero stands up without thinking about the cost to themselves. They are humble. Not false humility where people lower themselves to make themselves seen. I mean they just get on with it. No mess and no fuss. That’s what a real hero is. These are the people you can’t see. The fractured lines in between the elements of reality we all take for granted.

Life is filled with people who are overly selfish. People who step over each other to get ahead and at the expense of others hurt people recklessly and thoughtlessly. Every now and again somebody steps up to make a difference. The thing is when you ask them why they will always answer, ‘Because it has to be done.’ You may not be a hero but I guarantee you will know someone who is. If you know a person like that remember them. Do something for them without them knowing it. I guarantee you it will give you joy beyond measure.