I am amazed at how many times during the week I am asked if I would like a larger penis. What about a dose of viagra? How about buying some “quality” software? The truth of the matter is the more you see something the more you want it. And let’s face it who would like some quality software :D.

Spam is annoying because it’s so damn persistent

I wonder if there is a spammer code? Do you think they sit around sending these pointless emails just to annoy us?  No there’s a dollar in it. I wonder who the GENIUS is behind the business model? Bill Gates? I don’t think so. Although spam infuriates me - you have to admire the persistence of the spammer. They never give up asking or sending or intruding us with their annoying little “grow your thing bigger” emails. I wonder if the world took on the persistence of the spammer what would happen? What if we were MORE persistent in our life goals… as persistent as the spammer? What would happen?

If spammers weren’t persistent we would have no spam at all

Stop and think about this for a moment. A spammer writes something from the top of their head to get you to read it. Granted most blog spam these days is less about car insurance than it is about large wangs. But I digress. Just how many hurdles does a spammer have to overcome? Email address filters? HEAPS! They never give up. The law changes and they tilt their black hat at it. They don’t care! They persist until they flood your inbox with more and more spam. Here is the text that got through two layers of spam filtering and God knows what else to get to me this morning.

Become a God in your lassie’s bedroom with our new enhancement preparation! You don’t need to take severe measures! It’s all safe and natural! faraway places? His operation had run smoothly since 1988, when henot to cooperate with me on my book.always asked whenever he was about to jump in and make a splash. Is

It’s not Hemmingway is it? It’s bloody jibberish is what it is. Still it got through. I am annoyed that so much filtering doesn’t stop it. I have even seen spam get through the Uni filter and offer me a high paying “job” in Italy. Unfortunately it almost always starts with: “Dear;” or “Hello Prospect”. This is unfortunate because I have never been offered a job I didn’t apply for!

I would urge you all to take a lesson from a spammer. If they weren’t persistent they we would not have medicine bigger “things” viagra  insurance lottery so much rubbish in our inbox.

I was sitting in my office the other day with my supervisor came running in. We got to talking about Griffith’s new performance metrics when he said something that caught my attention. In not so many words he told me … to shoot for average.

I got an email the other day from a colleague in South Australia who had read a paper of mine… he told me to “shoot for average”.

I am not sure if it’s God or what but maybe, just maybe I need to “shoot for average”. After all, when you are just getting started (at least in cricket terms) you need to get the runs on the board. If you don’t perform consistently at a “respectable” level often enough you may just wind up being left out in the cold. This did get me thinking about how people become extraordinary… how do they do it? What makes this blogger stand out and have more visitors than this blogger (me)? The answer… they are not average. They stand out. As for me I am Mr. Average. In our performace metrics there are four tiers:

1. Tier A*

The super Tier… if you combined Jimi Hendrix, Einstien, Hagel and some other famous person and made them into UBER academics they would publish in these journals.

2. Tier A

Many academics kindly refer to these as Good but not great.

3. Tier B

These are above average but not quite average as average goes… (does that make sense?).

4. Tier C

Average - my goal

Anything else in our metrics is relegated to supreme obscurity. *coughs* So why do I want to shoot for average? Because the bigger tiered journals are out of my league at the moment. Through development and willpower if I could give a crap… I might try. Now this “quitter” attitude may surprise you. But to me if you want to play the game, it’s better to be consistent in the beginning and THEN become remarkable than be instantly remarkable. Now, the only thing to work out is if I want to play the game or not. I am against the corporate sausage maker!

I am on a path of potential development… let’s see if I can discover what I am remarkable at. Sorry, I watched a Seth Godin video recently.

Be free! Be free!

Last weekend I had the pleasure of spending a day and a bit at Armidale, New South Wales about five and a half hours drive from Brisbane. I was there to attend the graduation ceremony at the University of New England and I must say it was a very pretty town. So what was so good about it?

The food at Armidale

I am not a pub man by any stretch of the imagination. I did however, have the chance to sample the food at Armidale’s Grand Hotel in the centre of town. I had one of the best steaks I can remember in a long time. Maybe it’s because I have been living on a associate lecturers wage too long! It was fantastic.

The place I stayed

I had the pleasure of staying in a little bed and breakfast called ‘Creature Comforts‘. The rooms were immaculate, the hosts were friendly and the rooms were stocked with all the necessities I could imagine. We had fresh country bread for breakfast and took off to the University of New England for the ceremony.

The drive home

Although on paper 10 hours up and back in a small drive seems like a short journey. I can assure you it’s not! I stopped off at Stanthorpe to buy some excellent quality apples on the way home. What a country I have the privilege to live in. We also stopped along the way and checked out some hand crafted ugg boots. I couldn’t really afford it but I can say they are the best ugg boots I have ever seen. So well crafted! It’s no wonder the place was full of people.

What I wish could of happened

On the map this doesn’t look like anything special: View Larger Map But in real life it’s a really pretty drive. There are tons of poplar trees, rolling green (and brown unfortunately) hills, cows and a species of black kangaroo my mother’s boyfriend called a scrubber. We saw Tenterfield (Peter Allen’s birthplace), Glen Innes and a heap of other ‘Glens’. Come to think of it every town between Warwick and Armidale was probably ‘Glen’ something. The only thing I can find the time to complain about was the cold. I am from Brisbane where it rarely drops below 20 during the day and stays in the teens most of the night. I didn’t mind that however, the air was fresh, the food was great and the people were wonderful. I enjoyed the trip and if I was a rich man I wouldn’t hesitate to make more time to see more of the ‘Tablelands’. This article from the age says it all. I would recommend a trip if you get the chance.

I recently got my PhD. It was a horrible experience and unless you are passionate about a subject I would recommend that you think twice about doing it. I can say that the title “Dr.” is nice to have … but the price is really high. That aside, there is something I learned about self-worth when I was doing it.

People have a certain idea of what you should be… ignore them

I can’t count the amount of times people spoke down to me, called me names or put me down because of my rank. This is silly because the worth of somebody is not described by their personal monetary value or rank in some stupid ladder. It’s determined by you. The problem is only you can say what you worth and you exude it by your actions.

Under the guise of helping you… people often make themselves feel better by putting you down

In this strange arrangement called society we have all kinds of ranks and files. There are literally plagues of people getting their sense of self-worth from their position or their rank. You will hear all kinds of abusive nonsense from people who are in power above you but don’t let it get to you. I handle it by venting, relaxing and refocusing. So they put you down? You really have two choices… stand up to them and tell them what’s what or walk away. Option 2 works best for me though I don’t always follow it. Hey I am as human as they come. Sometimes I will yell and scream… but more often than not I walk away. It’s easier and makes the other person responsible for what happens next.

People who hug their rank and steal your joy are really soulless life sucking vampires from hell

The title says it all. People who think they can dominate you through overpowering you with their rank are very insecure. Their is a flipside or two to this subject as well… they are dangerous. People that have no clue as to leadership and how to be a cool person will almost always slam you down to the ground just to do it. Your choice is to be a person that people remark about in a positive way. You don’t want to be in the same group as people who are bootlickers of the machine empire of doom. No, you want to be a person who is a creative light unto the world, bringing joy and peace with you. Not some sense of worth derived from wealth, money, rank or something artificial like that. Robots are robots… never forget that. They will always do what the machine wants. See my post about ants if you need more info there.

So what is a bastard?

A bastard in my dictionary (you won’t find that on the internet) is someone who dominates someone else for the sheer joy of keeping the ’status quo’ or dominating people. Don’t you ever just want to wake up and see what’s going on around you? Dammit! Break out of your machine-like cubes and run for justice. There is a door that leads to freedom here somewhere I just have to find it. But I digress.

If you are in situation with a bastard who is dominating you can I suggest the following: you are the victim of a sick relationship. If life is about career, performance and such things then you are only looking at ‘material’ things to adjust to your self-worth. Eventually, these things will come to let you down and you will be left wondering (as you sip your chi-latte) exactly where did I go wrong? Here’s something cool I gained from my time in church:

Treat others as you want to be treated and love others as you learn to love yourself

This never works for me because most people I meet (including myself) are filled with a sense of anger and frustration at where their life is heading. How many people (bastards) have you met that are using you to vent their anger on you? Lots. The choice is yours… you can let them get you down or walk away. Here are some cool techniques I use to cope. Hey, I am an emo-right brained person who feels it when he is slammed so zip it and read the list sweetheart:

Be like Flanders

Look them square in the eye and put a positive spin on it. Say things like, “I am glad you think I am an BLEEP now I know who not to ask for advice. THANKS!” By diffusing the situation and being positive you remain in control of reality.  There are many things you can do here.  Smile and nod is my choice.  It’s funny how irritated people get when you do that!

Use your imagination

Switching frames (perspectives) is a really good way to get over this. I would say this has helped me the most. When a moron is in your face with their blah blah blah do this: Imagine their face blowing up like a balloon. What I often do is wait until they have finished then go into my room, shut the door and imagine them falling over or watching their face twist out of shape. It takes the seriousness out of the situation and makes you get your peace back. Life without a sense of peace is horrible.

Agree with them

When they are on the rant stand up and agree. It will confuse the crap out of them and then they will have nowhere to go. So if they say, “you are lazy” say… “you got my number!” Then they have no way of venting their anger towards you. What you can do then is have the upper hand by walking away because they have nowhere to go except to crawl up the corporate anus!

Make random noise while they speak

This has only worked for me once. Usually people who hear it wonder what the hell is wrong with me and walk away. Here’s the key: people who pick on you have a low sense of self-worth and they are looking to give you the same disease. Stuff that! I would rather sit at home in my glorious mansion (okay so it’s 89 square metre dump… I am dreaming!) and be content then listen to some old BS about productivity or efficiency. Michael Porter can kiss my ass!

Run away

This is an option you can take when your the victim of a bastard. Run. Yeah the tank is empty this is the last one. I have used this and it works.

Don’t let some jerk steal your self-worth. You are worth it.  A really good friend of mine told me not to let people steal my self-esteem.  You can take it and look gracious or get revenge (not a good idea - it only ends up making you like the evil machine of doom I call “work”).   Let me encourage you saying you are worth it… you are a person who has integrity, dignity and self-respect.  A job is not part of your identity … it’s something you do because you have kids to feed or cats to feed or a habit [sic] to feed.  Work steals the soul along with the heart of people who take it too seriously.  There is something good about working… if you love it and your spirit is being fed.  Look up the day is getting brighter all the time because you are a person who is a winner.

In my country (Australia) we very rarely encourage each other.  We are hard workers.  It’s just not in the Aussie culture to go up to someone at work and say, ‘you are doing a great job… keep it up’… or to pat some one on the back and go, “well done”.  I can count on my fingers the amount of times this has happened to me.  Why don’t you buck the trend if this is the case for you in your workplace.  Encourage people, be kind and if you are a boss (like I am more often than I would like the responsibility to be totally honest) treat your people like they mean something.  Don’t be a jerk like your boss is to you.  The final thing I want to say today is this: if you let the bastards get you down then the machine of doom wins.  It can’t win unless you let it.  Remember, it may steal your soul but it can’t steal your spirit.  Thats you in that meatsuit.    I hope that you learn to cope with difficult people who are bastards.  I am getting there… each day more strength and more ability to cope is coming my way.  It’s my hope that it’s coming to you too.

Recently I was at work and put the students to the test on a problem: fix the traffic crisis. I showed them the above video and they came up with some interesting answers. Think about these:

1. airlifting
2. underground train station
3. tunnel
4. eliminate the need for travel – complex for everything
5. encourage other alternatives
6. changing the way we work

My personal favourite with the complex for everything. This idea was that work/home/everything else should be centralised to local community. Sure it’s a bit Orwellian but I really like the idea of working near home. So what does this have to do with lateral thinking?

Lateral Thinking

The most common definition for lateral thinking is ‘thinking outside the box’. What precisely does that mean? Well I think to think about it this way. There is a logical box in which we contain all maps of the world. When we come to solve problems we often look at the issue through out preconceptions of the world. These issues prevent us from seeing non-linear solutions to a problem that lies outside the area we are focusing on.

To that end the word ‘lateral’ really means ’sideways’. So for me I like to think about lateral thinking as ’sideways’ thinking. It requires a mental shift to a sideways issue that isn’t immediately obvious. It means moving outside the ‘logic box’ and into a new way of thinking that at first seems unrelated. As you move sideways you begin to see the ‘lateral’ pattern emerge and you make better judgements from this new perspective. Once you are there you can see the connection but you have to move llaterally in order to achieve this.

How does lateral thinking actually work?

It works by you moving sideways in your thought. It means moving outside the system of your thought to a position that is presently unrelated. In the traffic crisis example, if you kept building bigger roads it would mean not picking a solution that is NOT related to roads specifically. It might be something like: staggering work hours, changing where people work or rewarding employees for working from home (for example). That’s lateral because it asks the question: what’s the cause of the problem… and how can we change that so that the problem no longer occurs. That’s lateral thinking.

One of the key things to remember when you engage in this form of thinking is to be aware of what you think the problem is. Whatever you take the problem to be… you take the solution to be… the two are inseparable. In lateral thinking you have the power to ask: what could we do if we could do anything and begin to explore ‘outside the logic box’ solutions. Sadly, I don’t see enough of this in places I venture. It’s much the same crap remulched over and over and over again. Why not dare to be different and begin to think creatively?

Why don’t you give it a go?

Hello everybody.  That’s right I have made 200 posts on this blog and I am still going.   So far I have written 140988 words and counting.  That’s a lot isn’t it?   I thought I would celebrate this milestone by thanking my readers.  Thank you for giving me a life outside of my job and giving me the confidence to know that I can actually write something meaningful other than long academic words.   So what’s coming up on my problem solving blog?  There are a lot of exciting things coming up and one that I am going to launch in the next little while for people who are serious about developing as a person.   I have some great ideas to take this blog from 8,000 people a month stage to a much higher level.  Remember though it’s not the size of the boat… it’s the motion in the ocean!

I began this blog with 0 subscribers and 0 readers.  Today I have 40 subscribers and over 8,000 people a month who read what I write.  Hey I’m not problogger but I can say this… I really enjoy blogging. Do you realise that it’s probably around 100 times the amount of people who have ever read my journal papers or conference work!  I have been in a crowd of over 1,000 and thought that was overwhelming.  One time I lectured to 500.  That was a lot of people… and they didn’t even want to be there!  Although I can’t see all of your faces, I want to say thanks for stopping by.

Of course, this is only the beginning and like I always say… the best is yet to come.

With Love.

Luke.

As the society has become more individualist and less community driven we have seen the mass introduction of suburbs. This is not a recent trend… it’s been happening since the 40’s and 50’s. One of the most annoying side-effects of the increased decentralisation of society are neighbours. These are the people that we in the city are forced to live next to. In my many years of renting I have seen it all. So here are my tips on how you can know your neighbours are evil.

tip # 1 - You never see them…EVIL!

Years ago I lived in a house in sunny Kawana Waters. It was fantastic. The people next door, God bless them, where just strange. They never said hello, never feigned a smile or a wave, they just where always inside. Like the penguin says, ’smile and wave boys, smile and wave.’ The first time I spoke to the man was when I was leaving. He asked if the house was for sale. I said no and he walked off without saying another word… in short EVIL! The neighbour that never says even the smallest word to you … not even out of courtesy is evil.

tip # 2 - If a neighbour trims your trees… EVIL!

I have had a neighbour who came into my yard and said, ‘I just want to trim some of my trees that are overhanging,’ only to have them begin to cut down my plants! Now I am all for letting people do my work for me (I am not a workaholic - thank you very much) but cutting down my trees? I felt like slapping that person and I don’t even garden! If a neighbour comes into your yard to trim your trees - they are EVIL!

tip # 3 - If your neighbour lets his dog eat your cat…EVIL!

My wife had this beautiful Persian called, ‘Terry’ who she had since she was a kid. One day the dog next door attacked the cat and left it in a critical condition. The neighbour at the time thought nothing of it and never paid a single bill towards the vet treatment that ultimately failed to save the cat’s life. That was the second cat the dog had eaten as well. Can I suggest if you have a bullish ‘macho’ neighbour who doesn’t take care of his pets properly that you do what my uncle does when he has problems with his neighbour? He sits on the back deck polishing his gun. Put down your rocks I am joking.

tip #4 - When your neighbours party until 1am then stop and start again at 3pm…EVIL!

In my 31 years I have lived in a lot of places. More than I would care to remember. I once lived upstairs in a two story apartment complex in Mooloolaba in the 80’s. Every Saturday they would get on the sauce and belt out rock music much to the chagrin of my parents. Eventually they left and peace was restored. Our lease was cancelled by the owner soon after and we moved to a new house in Mountain Creek. So guess who was living next door to us? THE EXACT SAME PEOPLE! Needless to say, we didn’t stay there very long. If you neighbours constantly party without considering people around them… they’re evil!

tip #5 - When your neighbour gets on the phone to her friends in the US at talks at the top of her lungs … EVIL!

One time I was living in a townhouse with my wife and two chihuahuas. We had a string of neighbours, one who died whilst mowing the lawn and the other who often vocally ‘pleasured’ her man friends on the front deck… both right outside our bedroom window. They were happy times. Oh yes and the neighbour before that died as well. I used to call it the townhouse of death. But I digress. The woman that lived there after the screamer used to talk to her friends in the United States really REALLY loud at 3am in the morning. This was despite me slamming the window and let out hints like saying, ‘I wish she would shut up.’ The thing is, if you live in an apartment and you begin to talk to people on the phone at 3am keep it down. If you don’t then you are evil.

tip #6 - If your neighbour rakes her lawn and throws the leaves in your yard…

When I am phone I like to walk. I have a cool portable phone so I walk outside, around the yard and so on. One day when I was on the phone talking to a friend of mine, I walked outside. What did I see? I saw a giant frickin’ pile of palm fronds the neighbour had generously donated to me over the fence. If you are reading this (probably not) up yours! I may be a renter but what gives you the right to dump your crap in my yard? I would suggest two courses of action. 1. Throw it back or number 2. Turn the other cheek. I am not mature enough to try number 2 yet though my wife is. Thank God she is not evil.

tip #7 - When you neighbours are involved in drugs…

I once lived in East Brisbane in an apartment complex. One morning I heard a knock at the door and I was surprised because I don’t have any friends! I open up and there are the two Australian Federal Police waving their guns and badges in my face. They showed me a warrant and then came into my house and raided it. My draws were emptied and the place ransacked. I was wondering why was this happening? I wasn’t on drugs (at the time - been clean for years) so I thought what the hell is going on. Then he checked his warrant. Oops it was my neighbour! I politely told them to get out of my flat and thanked them kindly for intruding on my personal liberties without my prior consent or permission and showed them the door. At least that’s the way I would like to remember it. The funniest part of this whole story is that the cops in question found a toy gun and looked at me and said, ‘you’re bloody lucky it’s a toy gun.’ I will not repeat what I said to the cops except to say this… if your neighbours are involved in drugs, crime or anything suss they are evil. Make sure you get the cops who WILL eventually come to collect them to double check the warrant. To be fair to the cops - I have made worse mistakes. But you will have to read my other posts to learn about that.

In the final analysis you can’t really know when you move in that your neighbours will be the spawn of the dark one. My guess is that you find out a month or so into living there. This however is hard to determine in advance. You may be fortunate like me and have great neighbours. They are lovely in my new place. I can’t complain. I have seen the odd police car and sure there have been parties. But they are a few doors down… just out of shouting distance. If you are stuck with evil neighbours the one thing you can take comfort with is this… so are thousands of other people!