
A short note today about climbing back on the horse. I was dumping recently about the loss of IS from our Business School. So now I need to move on to the third part of my three part rant. How do you climb back on the horse when you fall off?
Don’t climb on for a while: The power of reflection
I think the key thing for most people who have a setback is to take time to think through the failure and ask, “what do I need to learn here?”. I have learned that by picking a small discipline, that’s ‘fringe’ I was always at risk. There are many others about that are the same. The changing flux of social systems means you sometimes have to create new ways of seeing just to survive. One only has to look at the history of recent trends with e-commerce to know what I mean.
Yet, in failure we can find reflection and that can help us learn. When we have a setback the best thing to do is find something else to take our mind off things. This can be helping someone with their problems, taking a course, reading a book, crying (ok that’s a little bit nasty), or simply put: doing anything that stops us from feeling like losers. The next thing we can do once the pain has subsided enough, is begin to collect the lessons. Think: what did I learn from that and what could I learn about better in the future? Why did I do so poorly? Write it down and think about it. It may help you find clarity and help you fail your way to success.
Don’t judge where you are now based on your present circumstances
The other thing we need to do to climb back on the horse, is not to judge where we are now by the way we are in our present circumstance. Without revisting all of the cliches, I can say that stuff changes. In my own life I have had many failures. However, in each one of these failures, I have learned that you fail most of the time. I like to think of it this way: fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, win, fail, fail, win. If life was continued success, it would be great but just about 3/10 things I try work. Those that do, often surprise me. You can’t ‘know’ the market or job or whatever as well as you may think. People don’t often think the same way… there’s context to consider.
How to get back on the horse
The best way to get back on the horse, is to do this. Start again. When you have failed, you have one of two choices… stay down or get up. What will you do? Stay there lying on the floor, weeping, moaning, crying… no you have to get up. Sure as hell it ain’t easy. I have done it so many times that I am growing sick of it… but if you don’t keep growing you become stagnant and/or worse begin to wither. Is that what you want?
Now you may be reading this and thinking, ‘great general advice’. My response is, a seed of a dream is still a start. It may take years to get back on the horse… but if it’s what you know you should be doing, then you should do it. You just have to. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t sell… being true to your instincts is what matters. What if you lose it all? I did. So what? I had not much to lose anyway, sure it pissed my wife off! I can go to my grave knowing I tried, I died and I lived another day. All you have to do is get up and start thinking, you can do it. I am not guaranteeing you will win next time either, you probably won’t. Yet the taste of victory, in all it’s rarity, it’s a great thing. It feels good to have a win. I am still waiting for the ‘big one’. But, I have had so many little wins by going again when I didn’t feel like it, that I felt I could honestly not handle it anymore. What did I do? I pissed around for awhile, procrastinated… then I got up and tried and failed again!
One of my life goals was to get into a particular journal. Twice before I had been told NO (once after three revisions… that sucked ass. Eventually a time came when I got in and alas I made it! Now, will I get a payrise from this? No. Will I get a new house? No. What did I get? I got what I wanted? How long did it take? 5 years! Actually, I told my current employer that I would publish in this journal when I started. Which was stupid, yet it set the agenda and I did get it. Sure, it means nothing but something important to me and my co-author. Yet I did it! It felt good getting the acceptance letter. It seems trivial but that letter showed me that if I am willing to try and believe, I can acheive anything I want to. Even if people and institutions stop supporting me. You can do it.
Let me encourage you today by saying this: if you died and your greatest desire wasn’t fulfilled would you be sad? Yes you would! What if you died trying? Went down in flames as it were? Then you died trying, that’s 90% better than what most of us do. Be the die trying person… I dare you!