In life sometimes you find yourself facing failure. You may have tried your hand at something, had really high expectations and it just didn’t work out. It may be a marriage, a job, a business venture a partnership … you just never know what life can throw you sometimes. You can however begin to move forward out of the darkness by making some tough choices.

If nobody cares about you… care about yourself

Hating yourself for your mistakes is not helpful. As a matter of fact it’s dangerous. When you decide to take responsibility for your failure and own up to it… then yes it’s a time for understanding the failure and dealing with it. However, you don’t dwell on it and remind yourself of it. When through poor decisions or just bad circumstances you wind up in a ditch the first thing you must do is recognise that you may have been a dumbass but that does not exclude you from the race. It doesn’t mean you will win next time either. What it does mean is that you have to accept the fact that you tried. As I have said before… the problem with society is that we place such a high premium on success that we deride people who fail. As I have heard Edward Debono say, “There is no word in the English language which says perfectly acceptable venture that for reasons outside of the control of the individual went poorly!” Accept that you made a mistake but don’t hate yourself for it. Learn the day to day activity of forgiving yourself by remembering all the good things you have.

Look for the good in your situation

I know of people who have had kidney failure and lost everything during the recovery process. People have lost children and spouses. Is there any good to be gained out of that horrible situation? No there isn’t. What you can do over time however is begin to build an inner picture of your life that is worth something. When that cloud begins to settle in, why not think about the wonderful times you had with this person. When people die we miss them terribly and this is good because we should. However, as our heart begins to heal we need to fill our lives once again with positives and focus on what’s good. You may be having problems with money… you may not have a home. Are you breathing with the aid of a machine? How about your legs… do they still work? When you begin to focus on what you have instead of what you have lost… the good things you carry around with you that you take for granted have a new weight of importance.

Darkness breeds even more darkness

When the cloud settles in you begin to think a certain way. After a little while you begin to act that way. Soon, you are saying and doing things you didn’t think you would ever do. Darkness comes to all of us in one way or another. If we allow it to settle in our soul it will make a castle that fortifies and begins to rule our lives. We cannot be like that can we? Dark thoughts are the root system of the tree that poisons your soul. You must take those thoughts captive and replace them with more positive intentions. Easier said than done? Yes in the beginning. However, as you begin to practice you will find it easier. It’s so easy to be a critic. To pick on the efforts of others and drag them down. The internet is rife with examples of people picking on others from the safe proximity of the screenface (Thanks Alison ). What’s hard is to encourage people, to set them on their way and be a light to them.

Tragedy comes to all of us at some point. We should feel the pain of it and yes it should effect us. If it doesn’t then we are not humans. It’s what we do about that pain over time that counts. It’s the day to day thinking and acting that helps us to be what we eventually become. Remember, dark clouds are for a season, yet when the rain passes they disappear. Don’t let the dark clouds hang around you … for too long.

The other day I was involved in something that was quite useful. In short it was a bunch of people sitting around talking about stuff. It was fun LOL. We got to talking about problem solving and one of the people sitting their said to me that they thought lateral thinking was not moving to a new position because it actually stayed inside the box… it just moved sideways. I think previously (hat tip to Alan) I may have said it was more about moving out of the box entirely. I now think this latter interpretation is more than accurate!

How do you perspective shift?

Think back to something horrible that happened to you years ago. Say you were involved in a car accident and you hurt yourself pretty badly. Say you had a bad teacher and he said you were worthless. Those words or that incident changed your perspective. It made you realise a different world. One that you had no access to up to that point. Now you think different, you feel different, you talk different and so on. Your perspective has changed. So how do you change it back? You need to find a new perspective that dissolves the old. You need to find a new image of the situation in which you take back the power and confidence that was stolen from you. This is too much information for this short note but I will be covering this again on this blog at a later date.

What’s your perspective?

Your perspective is the view you hold on something… it produces thoughts. It’s the inner beliefs you have the shape the outgoing of your perceptions. How do you know what you believe? It’s the thing that ticks away inside of you… it’s the way you frame issues such as racism for example. How do you relate to the opposite sex? That’s a perspective.

Whatever your perspective is… you are tainted by it. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

I am amazed at how many times during the week I am asked if I would like a larger penis. What about a dose of viagra? How about buying some “quality” software? The truth of the matter is the more you see something the more you want it. And let’s face it who would like some quality software :D.

Spam is annoying because it’s so damn persistent

I wonder if there is a spammer code? Do you think they sit around sending these pointless emails just to annoy us?  No there’s a dollar in it. I wonder who the GENIUS is behind the business model? Bill Gates? I don’t think so. Although spam infuriates me - you have to admire the persistence of the spammer. They never give up asking or sending or intruding us with their annoying little “grow your thing bigger” emails. I wonder if the world took on the persistence of the spammer what would happen? What if we were MORE persistent in our life goals… as persistent as the spammer? What would happen?

If spammers weren’t persistent we would have no spam at all

Stop and think about this for a moment. A spammer writes something from the top of their head to get you to read it. Granted most blog spam these days is less about car insurance than it is about large wangs. But I digress. Just how many hurdles does a spammer have to overcome? Email address filters? HEAPS! They never give up. The law changes and they tilt their black hat at it. They don’t care! They persist until they flood your inbox with more and more spam. Here is the text that got through two layers of spam filtering and God knows what else to get to me this morning.

Become a God in your lassie’s bedroom with our new enhancement preparation! You don’t need to take severe measures! It’s all safe and natural! faraway places? His operation had run smoothly since 1988, when henot to cooperate with me on my book.always asked whenever he was about to jump in and make a splash. Is

It’s not Hemmingway is it? It’s bloody jibberish is what it is. Still it got through. I am annoyed that so much filtering doesn’t stop it. I have even seen spam get through the Uni filter and offer me a high paying “job” in Italy. Unfortunately it almost always starts with: “Dear;” or “Hello Prospect”. This is unfortunate because I have never been offered a job I didn’t apply for!

I would urge you all to take a lesson from a spammer. If they weren’t persistent they we would not have medicine bigger “things” viagra  insurance lottery so much rubbish in our inbox.

I was sitting in my office the other day with my supervisor came running in. We got to talking about Griffith’s new performance metrics when he said something that caught my attention. In not so many words he told me … to shoot for average.

I got an email the other day from a colleague in South Australia who had read a paper of mine… he told me to “shoot for average”.

I am not sure if it’s God or what but maybe, just maybe I need to “shoot for average”. After all, when you are just getting started (at least in cricket terms) you need to get the runs on the board. If you don’t perform consistently at a “respectable” level often enough you may just wind up being left out in the cold. This did get me thinking about how people become extraordinary… how do they do it? What makes this blogger stand out and have more visitors than this blogger (me)? The answer… they are not average. They stand out. As for me I am Mr. Average. In our performace metrics there are four tiers:

1. Tier A*

The super Tier… if you combined Jimi Hendrix, Einstien, Hagel and some other famous person and made them into UBER academics they would publish in these journals.

2. Tier A

Many academics kindly refer to these as Good but not great.

3. Tier B

These are above average but not quite average as average goes… (does that make sense?).

4. Tier C

Average - my goal

Anything else in our metrics is relegated to supreme obscurity. *coughs* So why do I want to shoot for average? Because the bigger tiered journals are out of my league at the moment. Through development and willpower if I could give a crap… I might try. Now this “quitter” attitude may surprise you. But to me if you want to play the game, it’s better to be consistent in the beginning and THEN become remarkable than be instantly remarkable. Now, the only thing to work out is if I want to play the game or not. I am against the corporate sausage maker!

I am on a path of potential development… let’s see if I can discover what I am remarkable at. Sorry, I watched a Seth Godin video recently.

Be free! Be free!

Last weekend I had the pleasure of spending a day and a bit at Armidale, New South Wales about five and a half hours drive from Brisbane. I was there to attend the graduation ceremony at the University of New England and I must say it was a very pretty town. So what was so good about it?

The food at Armidale

I am not a pub man by any stretch of the imagination. I did however, have the chance to sample the food at Armidale’s Grand Hotel in the centre of town. I had one of the best steaks I can remember in a long time. Maybe it’s because I have been living on a associate lecturers wage too long! It was fantastic.

The place I stayed

I had the pleasure of staying in a little bed and breakfast called ‘Creature Comforts‘. The rooms were immaculate, the hosts were friendly and the rooms were stocked with all the necessities I could imagine. We had fresh country bread for breakfast and took off to the University of New England for the ceremony.

The drive home

Although on paper 10 hours up and back in a small drive seems like a short journey. I can assure you it’s not! I stopped off at Stanthorpe to buy some excellent quality apples on the way home. What a country I have the privilege to live in. We also stopped along the way and checked out some hand crafted ugg boots. I couldn’t really afford it but I can say they are the best ugg boots I have ever seen. So well crafted! It’s no wonder the place was full of people.

What I wish could of happened

On the map this doesn’t look like anything special: View Larger Map But in real life it’s a really pretty drive. There are tons of poplar trees, rolling green (and brown unfortunately) hills, cows and a species of black kangaroo my mother’s boyfriend called a scrubber. We saw Tenterfield (Peter Allen’s birthplace), Glen Innes and a heap of other ‘Glens’. Come to think of it every town between Warwick and Armidale was probably ‘Glen’ something. The only thing I can find the time to complain about was the cold. I am from Brisbane where it rarely drops below 20 during the day and stays in the teens most of the night. I didn’t mind that however, the air was fresh, the food was great and the people were wonderful. I enjoyed the trip and if I was a rich man I wouldn’t hesitate to make more time to see more of the ‘Tablelands’. This article from the age says it all. I would recommend a trip if you get the chance.

I recently got my PhD. It was a horrible experience and unless you are passionate about a subject I would recommend that you think twice about doing it. I can say that the title “Dr.” is nice to have … but the price is really high. That aside, there is something I learned about self-worth when I was doing it.

People have a certain idea of what you should be… ignore them

I can’t count the amount of times people spoke down to me, called me names or put me down because of my rank. This is silly because the worth of somebody is not described by their personal monetary value or rank in some stupid ladder. It’s determined by you. The problem is only you can say what you worth and you exude it by your actions.

Under the guise of helping you… people often make themselves feel better by putting you down

In this strange arrangement called society we have all kinds of ranks and files. There are literally plagues of people getting their sense of self-worth from their position or their rank. You will hear all kinds of abusive nonsense from people who are in power above you but don’t let it get to you. I handle it by venting, relaxing and refocusing. So they put you down? You really have two choices… stand up to them and tell them what’s what or walk away. Option 2 works best for me though I don’t always follow it. Hey I am as human as they come. Sometimes I will yell and scream… but more often than not I walk away. It’s easier and makes the other person responsible for what happens next.

People who hug their rank and steal your joy are really soulless life sucking vampires from hell

The title says it all. People who think they can dominate you through overpowering you with their rank are very insecure. Their is a flipside or two to this subject as well… they are dangerous. People that have no clue as to leadership and how to be a cool person will almost always slam you down to the ground just to do it. Your choice is to be a person that people remark about in a positive way. You don’t want to be in the same group as people who are bootlickers of the machine empire of doom. No, you want to be a person who is a creative light unto the world, bringing joy and peace with you. Not some sense of worth derived from wealth, money, rank or something artificial like that. Robots are robots… never forget that. They will always do what the machine wants. See my post about ants if you need more info there.

So what is a bastard?

A bastard in my dictionary (you won’t find that on the internet) is someone who dominates someone else for the sheer joy of keeping the ’status quo’ or dominating people. Don’t you ever just want to wake up and see what’s going on around you? Dammit! Break out of your machine-like cubes and run for justice. There is a door that leads to freedom here somewhere I just have to find it. But I digress.

If you are in situation with a bastard who is dominating you can I suggest the following: you are the victim of a sick relationship. If life is about career, performance and such things then you are only looking at ‘material’ things to adjust to your self-worth. Eventually, these things will come to let you down and you will be left wondering (as you sip your chi-latte) exactly where did I go wrong? Here’s something cool I gained from my time in church:

Treat others as you want to be treated and love others as you learn to love yourself

This never works for me because most people I meet (including myself) are filled with a sense of anger and frustration at where their life is heading. How many people (bastards) have you met that are using you to vent their anger on you? Lots. The choice is yours… you can let them get you down or walk away. Here are some cool techniques I use to cope. Hey, I am an emo-right brained person who feels it when he is slammed so zip it and read the list sweetheart:

Be like Flanders

Look them square in the eye and put a positive spin on it. Say things like, “I am glad you think I am an BLEEP now I know who not to ask for advice. THANKS!” By diffusing the situation and being positive you remain in control of reality.  There are many things you can do here.  Smile and nod is my choice.  It’s funny how irritated people get when you do that!

Use your imagination

Switching frames (perspectives) is a really good way to get over this. I would say this has helped me the most. When a moron is in your face with their blah blah blah do this: Imagine their face blowing up like a balloon. What I often do is wait until they have finished then go into my room, shut the door and imagine them falling over or watching their face twist out of shape. It takes the seriousness out of the situation and makes you get your peace back. Life without a sense of peace is horrible.

Agree with them

When they are on the rant stand up and agree. It will confuse the crap out of them and then they will have nowhere to go. So if they say, “you are lazy” say… “you got my number!” Then they have no way of venting their anger towards you. What you can do then is have the upper hand by walking away because they have nowhere to go except to crawl up the corporate anus!

Make random noise while they speak

This has only worked for me once. Usually people who hear it wonder what the hell is wrong with me and walk away. Here’s the key: people who pick on you have a low sense of self-worth and they are looking to give you the same disease. Stuff that! I would rather sit at home in my glorious mansion (okay so it’s 89 square metre dump… I am dreaming!) and be content then listen to some old BS about productivity or efficiency. Michael Porter can kiss my ass!

Run away

This is an option you can take when your the victim of a bastard. Run. Yeah the tank is empty this is the last one. I have used this and it works.

Don’t let some jerk steal your self-worth. You are worth it.  A really good friend of mine told me not to let people steal my self-esteem.  You can take it and look gracious or get revenge (not a good idea - it only ends up making you like the evil machine of doom I call “work”).   Let me encourage you saying you are worth it… you are a person who has integrity, dignity and self-respect.  A job is not part of your identity … it’s something you do because you have kids to feed or cats to feed or a habit [sic] to feed.  Work steals the soul along with the heart of people who take it too seriously.  There is something good about working… if you love it and your spirit is being fed.  Look up the day is getting brighter all the time because you are a person who is a winner.

In my country (Australia) we very rarely encourage each other.  We are hard workers.  It’s just not in the Aussie culture to go up to someone at work and say, ‘you are doing a great job… keep it up’… or to pat some one on the back and go, “well done”.  I can count on my fingers the amount of times this has happened to me.  Why don’t you buck the trend if this is the case for you in your workplace.  Encourage people, be kind and if you are a boss (like I am more often than I would like the responsibility to be totally honest) treat your people like they mean something.  Don’t be a jerk like your boss is to you.  The final thing I want to say today is this: if you let the bastards get you down then the machine of doom wins.  It can’t win unless you let it.  Remember, it may steal your soul but it can’t steal your spirit.  Thats you in that meatsuit.    I hope that you learn to cope with difficult people who are bastards.  I am getting there… each day more strength and more ability to cope is coming my way.  It’s my hope that it’s coming to you too.

Recently I was at work and put the students to the test on a problem: fix the traffic crisis. I showed them the above video and they came up with some interesting answers. Think about these:

1. airlifting
2. underground train station
3. tunnel
4. eliminate the need for travel – complex for everything
5. encourage other alternatives
6. changing the way we work

My personal favourite with the complex for everything. This idea was that work/home/everything else should be centralised to local community. Sure it’s a bit Orwellian but I really like the idea of working near home. So what does this have to do with lateral thinking?

Lateral Thinking

The most common definition for lateral thinking is ‘thinking outside the box’. What precisely does that mean? Well I think to think about it this way. There is a logical box in which we contain all maps of the world. When we come to solve problems we often look at the issue through out preconceptions of the world. These issues prevent us from seeing non-linear solutions to a problem that lies outside the area we are focusing on.

To that end the word ‘lateral’ really means ’sideways’. So for me I like to think about lateral thinking as ’sideways’ thinking. It requires a mental shift to a sideways issue that isn’t immediately obvious. It means moving outside the ‘logic box’ and into a new way of thinking that at first seems unrelated. As you move sideways you begin to see the ‘lateral’ pattern emerge and you make better judgements from this new perspective. Once you are there you can see the connection but you have to move llaterally in order to achieve this.

How does lateral thinking actually work?

It works by you moving sideways in your thought. It means moving outside the system of your thought to a position that is presently unrelated. In the traffic crisis example, if you kept building bigger roads it would mean not picking a solution that is NOT related to roads specifically. It might be something like: staggering work hours, changing where people work or rewarding employees for working from home (for example). That’s lateral because it asks the question: what’s the cause of the problem… and how can we change that so that the problem no longer occurs. That’s lateral thinking.

One of the key things to remember when you engage in this form of thinking is to be aware of what you think the problem is. Whatever you take the problem to be… you take the solution to be… the two are inseparable. In lateral thinking you have the power to ask: what could we do if we could do anything and begin to explore ‘outside the logic box’ solutions. Sadly, I don’t see enough of this in places I venture. It’s much the same crap remulched over and over and over again. Why not dare to be different and begin to think creatively?

Why don’t you give it a go?