I got an email from Tristan at the synergy institute about the Think Different Challenge. A friend of his from I will change your life.com started the idea a few days ago. The rules of the challenge can be found here. In short I have to take something I feel negative about and change my thinking. I picked a person who I think represents a problem I have with authority in my life. I am not overly rebellious neither am I difficult to get along with but I sometimes am very suspicious of people in authority over me. I don’t think one person stands out as being ‘Nazi boss from hell’ and I really think this is a bad belief system that I am holding on to. So, I have decided to think differently about authority and learn to love my boss.

Our thoughts make up our being to a large extent. We are the sum total of what we spend our time thinking about. So, what do I think about authority? Here is a list.

1. I don’t like it

I hate people telling me what to do. Not a bad thing considering I have two failed attempts at business in the can. Yet this is a dominating thought pattern I need to overcome if I am to consider success.

2. I want freedom

Who doesn’t? In me is the inbuilt desire to want to do what I want and not be told by anyone what to do. A good belief to a point but I am employed and I need to respect the rules of that institution. After all they give me money!

3. A host of other reasons…

I think the majority of it can be explained by my heritage. My dad hates authority. There some excuses. Now for the real deal.  I am going to take this guys advice and avoid procrastination!

How do I change my perspective to allow me to have a better relationship with authority? I learn to love my boss. Firstly, what is it about my boss that I don’t like? Him or the position he holds. I thought he was a great bloke until he got the job. Now, I need to, in my mind, separate the position from the person and attempt to think in the same way they do. I start by surfacing my hidden assumptions about authority and deliberately challenging them. So here goes:

1. My boss rules me with an iron fist

Does he? How many times a day does he tell me what I can and can’t do? Only when he has to because he is being paid to. You would be surprised the amount of general and upper level managers are putting on the game face at work. I often talk to people in these positions and most of the time they are just doing what they think they should be in accordance with the wishes of management. They are playing a role and for this reason are under a lot of pressure. As a defense mechanism they are resorting to control because it’s there responsibility to. Is this personal… not likely so I can’t believe my boss is Hitler I have to move on.  This next one really stretches my comfort zone but here we go.

2. My boss is stealing away my freedom of expression

Really? Is your freedom of expression relevant to what you are being paid to do? Maybe you chose the wrong job and your boss isn’t the problem. My freedom of expression is only relevant to what my job is. If my job requires no freedom of expression then why should I be ‘free’ to use it? My perspective should be I am here to do the job I was paid to, not create a new job for which the boss isn’t paying me. I can do ‘me’ things when I have the ability to support myself. When I signed the contract that was it! I can bring my creative expression to my set tasks or make them better but this is not the place to get cute with creativity. I have a contractual obligation! Don’t burn out on it and quit your job because you will find the assumption following you to your next job if you do.

3. I have a problem with authority

Why? This is because in your brain you think authority is a bad thing. Authority is a good thing. Why? Imagine if your house caught fire and you wanted it put out but you needed to give permission to the fire brigade. Say you are being beaten and because there are no police officers you never get your case heard. What if the laws that are designed to protect your rights don’t work and your house is taken away. What then? What you are really saying is: I don’t want authority in my life I want it all my own way. Being under submission to other people is a good thing in the right circumstances. Remember, whatever you do that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

4. My boss never hears what I say

Really? Your boss never pays attention to you? That is a good thing! If your boss is watching you it’s because you are a problem. Managers only solve the problems they are engaged with. They delegate everything they can because it helps them in their jobs. Chances are your boss doesn’t want to hear what you have to say because you are not in his/her engagement space. People only ever solve the problems they have to because people perceive things to be problematic. That is, problems are perspectives.  A person in management is under pressure to make decisions, perform lots of boring routine tasks and make difficult and complex decisions.  Your issue is probably not as important as the one that they are currently engaged with.

These are the four key assumptions in my life that I challenged and you know what… I feel better already.   To do this for yourself find a negative thing you don’t like and write down the hidden assumptions it’s built on.  Then systematically challenge those negative assumptions by building positive alternatives.  Over time as you gently reinforce these positive assumptions they will come to replace the negative ones.  Tie your imagination to the process and see yourself being happy with the problem.  See yourself coping.

I hope you have enjoyed this article.  To learn more about the thinking differently challenge.  Click the link below.

Technorati Tags: thinking, belief system

Each one of us whether we realise or not has something special to offer. I often struck with surprise when I look at the general population of my students as I tell them they had better be sure the career they choose is something they know they can do. Consider for a moment that you may not know enough of yourself to understand that you are actually attracted to certain things and just plain hate others. For example, I hate doing day to day routine things like paper work. Yet I recognise it as being extremely necessary to keep myself employed. What I get a thrill out of is doing creative things like writing, brainstorming and so on. That’s because I have an underlying stream of creativity that flows through me. That creativity is somehow infused into my being.

In a previous post on emotions I spoke of the need to look at the underlying nature of emotions and how they come out of us on a day to day basis. In that post I drew the analogy that people will not often come to you and say, ‘I am angry at something that happened in the past so I am going to take it out on you if you don’t mind.’ People get angry for whatever reason and you become the victim of it. The same thing goes for people who act as extroverts in social groups. They have been seen as ‘extroverts’ because that’s a central underlying part of their being flowing out of them.

So what’s different about you?

It has been said that we are all the same and there is nobody who is special. I believe this to be true but for a different reason. Everybody has something different about them that makes them ‘unique’. The connotation of something special means that you have some kind of status that makes you better than the rest. You are no better or worse than anyone… we are all in the same boat. Money, sad to say, does not make you a better person. Quite often it makes you much, much worse. There is however, a side to you that makes you entirely different from those around you. What makes you special is the fact that you have something different than people who are around you. That difference is what makes you an individual and it’s something you need to nurture.

The Mask

What you are really like is often sheltered under a mask that you were to make people think something about you. If you want people to think you are a certain way then you will wear a mask. I really saw a part of the Mask movie in which the main character is asking a psychologist advice about this mystical mask he has found. The psychologist uses the mask as a helpful metaphor to understand the reality of how we pretend in our social interactions. That pretending we do hides the real us from people. What makes us different or special is something that is underneath that. Here is an example in my own life.

When I sit down to write something I often don’t plan it out. I don’t need to worry about it because it writes itself. The fiction project I have on this website for example I wrote one page at a time by sitting down and just letting it flow through my imagination.  That’s me.  That may not be you.  You may be like my sister in law and be completely into administrative things.

The bottom line

The bottom line of course is that you should not do things you should not be doing.  Despite the grammatical errors in that previous sentence it is worth repeating.  If you are involved in something that is contrary to your nature you will eventually find yourself confused, frustrated, annoyed and angry.  Don’t burn yourself out.  There are some things that are stepping stones but if you take a position that is not going to teach you something, or help you reach your goals, then you will wind up miserable, frustrated and annoyed.  Just don’t do it.  You have something in you that makes you special.  It makes you different from those around you.  Find out what it is.  Find out what your underlying talents are and develop them day by day.  Practice them, dream about them, believe them into existence.

I want to repeat myself here because I think there are a lot of unfulfilled people in life.  You will not find peace in your life until you begin doing what you know you should be.  You can change and yes it’s not late or too early.  Don’t do what you think you should, find out what you are really like and go towards that one step at a time.  After all, you are special in some way.

Technorati Tags: career, creative, being, talents

Isn’t it funny that one of the most intriguing things about us is us? Why is that we go to school, grow up and follow whatever we do and never think about it the reasons why we make decisions. We have in us dreams, desires and natural inclinations that we often don’t even know are there. However, there are really two different kinds of voices that come out of us when it comes to desires. The first is a desire to do something out of our own strength, what we can call what we would like to do and the other is something that comes out of us, which we can call what we should do.

Who are you?

Scientists tell us that we have two parts to the brain, the left side and the right side. Traditionally we have called the left side rational and the right side intuitive. In the spiritual workings of man there are also two really strong ways of discerning what comes from where and how to understand it. On the left (rational) side we have cognitive structures or logical conclusions that help us to reach certain kinds of solutions and on the right side we have intuitive reactions that come from the creative inner workings of our spirits. There is much confusion in Christian circles about how our two parts work together and how they function.

The left side of the brain is often labeled the logical brain. This side of the brain takes our ideas and shapes them into logical structures for us to understand things so we can appropriately frame the world around us. These frames form the foundation of our thinking when it’s logical thinking. Such thinking is a connected set of ideas that can be logically explained. Those who lean to this side of the brain quite often are adept at putting together very good arguments and can see the loopholes in the logic of others. Some people I work with are very good at building logical bridges from one end of a problem to another but all the time they are in analysis mode. All they are really doing is coming to solid conclusions based on the evidence they have before them.

Evidence is the substance that the natural left side of the brain creates things with. Its evidence is solid, factual and represented by sense data that it perceives to be useful to the person who is beholding it. A mathematical equation is purely logical. It has a sound formula to it that if you followed it would result in a known answer. It’s logical and rational. Most human beings operate this way when they are in the spirit. They see something and reach a conclusion based on natural evidence. An example is that I like Lasagne very VERY much. This is a logical conclusion I have reached by eating it and desiring it’s taste. This has nothing to do with the other side of my brain and it certainly has nothing to do with the way I am.

Knowing who you are does not come from drawing natural conclusions. It comes from something much deeper than that. If God had exalted the mind beyond it’s position in the body to be the centre then we could so easily say that we were made to be purely logical and absolutely natural but this isn’t the case. The left side of our brain reaches out into the world around us and makes logical conclusions. The other side the right side of our brain is the intuitive side. This is what we know about ourselves that we haven’t logically concluded.

Intuition is an inner knowing that presents us with information we have NOT logically derived from our experience in the world. This information stems from a deep inner knowing within us about something. Quite often we rationalise God out of existence before he has had a chance to tell us something. We draw logical conclusions without thinking about what we already know on the inside. Knowing the real you, who you really are, comes from the information that is not logically derived because it’s that which underpins everything else.

Logic can better be thought of 1 + 1 = 2 but stop for a minute. You know what you know about yourself because you know it. I know I like to play the guitar. Something inside me gets great pleasure out of creative things and I really enjoy it. I didn’t reach that conclusion by running a stochastic model, I found it out by just being in the right conditions to find it out. The real you is not logically available it’s intuitively available. If you find yourself attracted to certain things and you can’t explain why then you have found it or at least some of it.

I have a small black Chihuahua who went out into the backyard the other day and began barking at a bluetongue lizard. At first I thought she was just being annoying but after a while she got more and more vicious! When I went out the lizard was gone but the dog was still barking. Why was she doing that? Why didn’t she just let it go? She kept going because instinctively she didn’t know why but she had to do it. There was no real reason why but she had to do it. The conditions drew a tendency out of her that she wasn’t aware of and it bubbled to the surface.

One time I thought I was called to make lots of money and build a successful business. As time went on and the creative edge of business maintenance set in I realised I was have hidden entrepreneurial desires that come out in certain conditions yet I am a dreadful manager! The day to day grind of trying to come up with sales and make things work was horrible. I felt so tired and exhausted but I didn’t have the money to get someone else to do it. I am called to be creative and if I don’t pay attention … it finds another way to come out of me. I can write a short story or a novel and it just flows out of me. I get ideas, characters and all kinds of things coming to me. Now, I am not special but when the right conditions come along I find the real me.

Logically if I try to come to conclusions through reasoning, a survey (although they can be helpful in finding the underlying desires) or whatever I won’t find the real me. I already know what I am like and all I need to do is look at the way I am and I will find what I am supposed to be doing. A friend of mine likes to play chess, draw puzzles and play computers. I have found him to always look at what’s going on around him and come to the closest available solution which is less than helpful. However, put the man in front of a computer and he could make it sing. Why? The right conditions present him with what he likes doing being logically creative with technical things.

Now if I took the same person and told him he should sit down and come to a reasoned conclusion about who he really is he would have to come up with something rather than simply being who he is. The hardest choice you will ever have to make is deciding to be who you really are. You have been given talents and gifts by God for a reason. What conditions will you need to make it work for you? What will make you bark?

One half of your brain is logical for a reason, you need to reach conclusions about things that are well thought out and you need to make good decisions. If you want to learn how to drive a car, add up an equation or discern black from white then you need to know some stuff. That’s logical. You are not a machine and you are not an equation you are a living breathing spirit. I am not saying that you will know what you are supposed to do that’s a completely different story but the beginning of knowing who you are starts with what’s already there. You just need the right conditions to come along to tease that the real you out.

In concluding this article I would like to say that I think one of the greatest problems we have in the Christian world we have is that we have a church centric mentality. Every dream and every desire is fine so long as it’s supports the vision of the pastor. There is nothing wrong with vision bearing pastors or church but at some stage you must realise that God may not want you to be involved … he may have other desires in mind for you. Supporting your local church is good so long as you recognise that you are as much a minister as the pastor is and that you have a role to play that is equally as important. There are a lot of people who simply never find their calling in God because they cannot conceive of it outside of the four walls of the church. This is nothing more than religious nonsense. You are important and God loves you remember that.

I hope that you think about what I have written here. Don’t look at yourself through logically eyes to find the answer … look inside into your intuition. What does that tell you? If you can’t see past your logic ask yourself this question: What am I naturally drawn to? What do I want to do like nothing else I have ever done before? It’s my prayer that you will find this and over time allow God to show you what he has in store for you. The best is yet to come.

Technorati Tags: Christian, logical thinking, Chihuahua

The other day my sister in law told us that she found a tree right down the end of her yard that she didn’t even know she had. When she investigated further she noticed something was growing on it … hello Macadamia nuts! When she told me that story I thought how often in life do we not know that we have something valuable and how much we overlook who we really are. Do you know that you may have something valuable that can be shared with others? What stops us from seeing that value we have?

I believe that the answer is not a simple one but a great percentage of people I have met cannot see their value because they believe lies about themselves. The last time you made a mistake did you slam your fist into the table and scream obscenities at yourself. If you did, did you know that you are making yourself believe that you are worth the abuse? You are saying to yourself, ‘Gee I am totally stupid and worthless aren’t I? I guess that I couldn’t run an automated pig farm?’ Think about what you say during a day and make a thought diary.

How do you do this? Well its simple really find a notebook and write down what you think you are every time you say it. There’s a key. We often don’t realise that we are telling ourselves what our real value is everyday of our life when we say it. A principle that most people overlook is this: whether you know it or don’t what you think you are comes from a deep well of underlying ideas that grow inside you. How do you they grow? They grow because we feed them by recognising the value they have by speaking to it.

Knowing your value starts with understanding where you draw your values from. The first thing you need to know is what am I worth? This is not a financial question that you answer by opening up your wallet and taking a look at how much cash you have. Your sense of self-worth does not come from the things you own because if it does you are much emptier than you know. True self-worth comes by recognising that you are not worthless that you have some value. Knowing your value means knowing that you are valuable. How can you really know this?

You know who you are not by what you do but by who you are. Some people attach their identity to what they do. Some people attach their identity to their social standing and the clubs they join. The bottom line is: those things are poor substitutes for the sad truth that people are missing something that they really need. A sense that they don’t need anything to prove their own worth. All they need is to know that they are accepted.

As a Christian you have this right. Service and the things you do make no difference and the influential friends that you hold dear to you are all there to make you feel better about something that you lack. Inside you there is a belief system that says: I need something to make me feel adequate. I need money to feel as if I am somebody… I need a lot of friends because if I need people around me to keep me up or whatever it might be.

For me, a key problem was always trying to prove myself to others to make myself feel like they liked me. I would do extraordinary things to try and get people to like me. I would buy them things, do extra work for them and whatever came to mind to try and make these people think that I had value. What I didn’t realise was that I was trying to buy friends by making them like me. I could make people like me and I could do things that would make me look superior but on the inside I was empty and hollow because I knew (as I imagine you do if you are reading this) that I was totally empty. Sure I had people around me to feel sorry for me or boost me up which helped but the real problem was I thought I didn’t have any value. I needed these people in my life to give me value. The truth is your value comes from something much deeper than that. As a Christian your value comes from God.

In the world’s way of doing things we con ourselves into believing that we are worth something by playing games. We play all kinds of games. At work we climb over people because we think we need to have that next level to feel successful or we talk down to people who are not as ‘affluent’ as us because we think they are inferior. Why would we do that? We do it because we have a deep down need to feel like we have value. The problem is: you already have value.

The bible tells us that Jesus Christ lives with us (2 Cor 6:16) and that he has accepted us (Eph 1:3). If we believe that this is true then what else really matters? Jesus also said that the cares of this world choke the fruitfulness of God’s word in our lives (Mark 4:17-19). It would be easy for me to say, ‘brush them aside and focus on Jesus.’ However, this is easier said than done.

Beginning to recognise your value

Knowing your value starts when you realise this: God loves me unconditionally. Allow the thought that he loves you without any reason to settle in you. Think about it by running the thought through your mind everyday. Whenever you are tempted to think or say something terrible do this: point to yourself and say I am totally accepted by God. So what if people don’t like you… a bunch of people don’t like me. But I am not able to be rejected. You can reject the way I look, what I might say but you cannot reject me because I am not able to be rejected. If at heart I am accepted in Jesus Christ this means I can never be unaccepted. If I am totally settled in that knowledge and people reject me for whatever reason all I need to know is that he loves and accepts me totally.

This kind of knowledge does not come overnight like so many false promises of modern teachings tell us. You grow into this kind of knowledge. But it begins with you making the right decision right now by saying, “I am worth something… God accepts me and loves me unconditionally.” Add your spiritual faculties to this: begin believing it in your heart. Find an imaginative way to attach pleasure to the thought.

After a while you will begin to notice three things:

1. You are constantly devaluing yourself
2. The thoughts of love coming from you are true real feelings coming from God
3. There is nothing else that matters once you know that he accepts you

Now, I am not telling you that instantly you will feel better. Shy away from instant solutions. If they do work it’s only for a little while then you have to go back and put something else in its place. Find a scripture from the bible on what God thinks about you and say it every morning and every night when you go to bed. Think about it on a daily basis. Now I have not perfected this but from doing this I have stopped so many negative beliefs from arising up in my soul. I hope that you do practice what I have said here today by at least attempting to:

1. Recognising how you value yourself
2. Replacing that with a Godly way of seeing yourself

By doing this consistently and thinking about how God thinks about you, you will begin to see yourself as he does. You will see yourself as loved and accepted, totally forgiven and washed in the blood of Jesus Christ. If you don’t see yourself as God does, then you are probably seeing yourself as others do or worse as the enemy does. Grace teaches us that we are accepted, that we are not condemned that we are loved. Start today. Start right now: you are accepted, you are loved. Remember this: if you don’t attach value to you then nobody else will.

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I consider myself successful because not so many years ago I was unemployed with no education and nowhere to go. Now, although I am not financially prosperous, I have a job as an academic where I am able to teach other people about the very things I had trouble learning. I have just completed a PhD and now I am waiting for my marks … which when I consider it what I was previously is nothing short of miraculous! I had help from my friends, family and I believe God. However, I learned some amazing things about this life in this time and five of them I would like to share with you today.

1. Never ignore your heart

When I left school I had the fourth worst score you could get from the high school system in Queensland. This meant I was automatically rejected form every single university in the entire state. I was really depressed during that time because my dream was to go onto university and study. I never really stopped trying. Thanks to my abysmal score I had only one opportunity which was TAFE (Technical College/Polytechnic for my overseas readers). This particular college at the time was the single worst in the state. Intuitively my heart told me that going there was the right choice… not just because it was the only one but I knew for whatever reason it would open doors later on in life. Indeed it did… now I work at Griffith University as an Associate Lecturer in the Business School. Imagine that! I never stopped doing what I knew I should be though from time to time I did wander off track. Always listen to the drumbeat of your heart.

2. Be wary of the advice of others

People usually have good intentions when they are telling you what they think you should do. They cannot see into your destiny and do not know what you know about you. So take advice with a grain of salt. Listen carefully to the mistakes people have made. Like when people say don’t go into business with friends… ask them why? Ask them to explain why that would be a bad idea and listen. You will learn some pitfalls that you should avoid. On the other hand I had someone who kept telling me to stop studying and go and get a job. Now, I have a job and I am studying while I write cool blog entries like this one! Not only that, but I have met people from all over the world and worked with people twenty years my senior on major industry projects. I am not wealthy but I have gained a wealth of knowledge. Hence, I am here telling you (whoever you are - God bless you for reading) what I learned! What a great privilege.

3. Don’t say no because you can’t do it

I have learned that challenges will come. I have stood through what looked like at the time as a great impossibility only to find that I was led through it. Now as a believer I am convinced that impossible means nothing. However, a lot of the times we are facing challenges in our life that we think are truly impossible. What happens is we talk ourselves out of trying. This is a fatal mistake. When you venture out into the unknown you are a pioneer. You are paving the way for others to follow. If you say no, maybe others you will influence will agree with you and likewise not try. There is more to be gained from failing then there is in never trying. I always put action ahead of thinking, which at first seems counterintuitive, but I am all the richer for it. Try your ideas out, if you can, it’s a great way to learn if it works or not.

4. Don’t flog a dead horse

There are times in my life when I wish I could borrow the TARDIS from the Doctor and visit myself and say, ’stop doing this… it’s going to be a disaster!’ Once I get going on a project I will work at it until it’s done. Sometimes my convictions are not well founded… therefore I make disasters. One incident springs to mind in which I had the opportunity to leave a business that ended up costing me HUGE amounts of money. At the time I was thinking it couldn’t possibly fail or rather this CAN’T possibly fail because I had so much at stake. It did fail. I find great comfort in the lyrics of the Gambler at such times. Knowing when to run is oh so important.

5. Learn to love failing

Following on from point 4. can I tell you that I love failing? Well no I don’t. I have some monumental failures (see fiction page) behind me. Sure, I have hurts attached to those failures but I also have learning. I love failing because I have learned something about myself, what I was doing and the problem I was trying to solve. You are not a failure because you have failed you are failure if you fail to learn. Learning is a key life skill. Failure hurts but it’s what you can milk from those failures that will put you heads and shoulders above the rest.

6. Opportunities do not come labelled

Oh how I wish they did. If there is one thing I could leave you with as you read this… please understand some opportunities you will never have again. Once I had a literary agent willing to sign for a book I wrote (again see the fiction page) and he told me to have it edited to suit the US. I was so excited. The guy I hired took over five months to get back to me with a finished manuscript! Initially I was told it would take I contacted the agent again and he’d moved on. I am still not over this but I have noticed… carefully assess every opportunity and make DAMNED sure you have support when you need it. If you don’t think fast, think quick and be smart. You may never EVER get the opportunity again. How I wish I could wind back the clock and slap that guy upside the head but what good will it do me? No bloody good! Expect opportunities and be cautious but go for it if you think it has a shot. You may not get another shot.

7. Be patient and take small steps daily

Patience is a annoying. I hate to wait as much as they next person. My wife recently planted a tomato tree in the backyard of our previous house. Right before we move I noticed a green fresh tomato growing and thought yes! Fresh tomatoes! You know what, we had to move and leave the plant there because it’s roots were so deep it probably wouldn’t have made it. How long did I wait for the tomato only to have it snatched from my grasp? Now I feel robbed! Patience though will get me another plant in just a short while and I will have my fresh tomatoes. Think about how patient the plant is and how slowly it’s roots grow. I have been told that some forms of bamboo will sit under the soil for years and suddenly shoot up only to become a deep rooted pest! We need to be like that. Take steps towards a goal on a daily basis and make good quality decisions regularly as you do. All of the good things in my life I have had to wait for. Day after day, year after year. Now, while I was doing nothing… nothing happened. Yet, if I build it bit by bit I have the complete building at the end. I would urge you to do the same. You may never get there as such but someone will come after you and who knows what your legacy will be like. Don’t wait to develop your goals… do it now but do so one day after the other.

8. Acknowledge, encourage, recognise and honour the people around you who help

I am disgusted to my very bones when I think about the amount of heroes we have in society. Why? Every successful person has people who encourage them along the way and support them. They would be nothing without those people. One person I think of in my life is my mother. Now this may seem corny… but she always has something positive to say when it comes to what I am doing. A birthday card I got from her once said, ‘Happy Birthday Professor’. That blessed me so much that I have never forgot it. At the time I was really struggling and people all around me were telling me to quit what I was doing. God bless you mum. When I look back at where I came from to where I am now I am amazed. Those that put up with me and helped me all know that I appreciate their input.

Thanks for reading this article… remember you can donate or even better leave me some constructive feedback. See you next time.

Technorati Tags: business, Patience, decisions regularly as you do

Recently in a dream I found myself driving a huge crane that was lifting big boulders.  To the side of the boulders were golden rocks that were just sitting there. The first thought that came to me when I woke up was… I am helping others getting work done but not doing what I need to do to make sure I continue to succeed.  The gold that I have waiting to be refined is sitting there as I do backbreaking labour for others … who probably don’t care!  I am doing the donkey work for others at the expense of my own work. 

Part of the harsh realities of life is that you must be careful in selecting what you do to help others.  I believe we should be helping others because it’s part of my values however, if we do too much for others and neglect what we need to do … our opportunities to grow may be missed.  How do you know you are lifting boulders for other people?

You have been doing something for a while and you are making no progress

If you walk up a hill one step at a time you will eventually get to the top.  However, if you begin to walk around in circles your destination will be the same as your starting point!  Have you been doing this for a while… could be you are helping others get ahead at the neglect of yourself?

There is just no time for me

Is this you as well?  The whole idea of time for yourself is important because you are accountable for you.  What I am saying is this: make time.  That’s great but with all the things I am doing there is simply not enough time right?  Wrong!  There could be some things you are doing for others that should be pushed aside.

People around me treat me like a dumping station

A hallmark of finding out that you are carrying boulders for others is the amount of things people just give you to do.  Now, there are some things that you should do and helping others is very important.   Don’t be a dumping station… only take on those things that you know you can do without hindering your own future. 

I just can’t say no

This one is a tough one.  I work with a person who just can’t say no and I am much the same myself.  However, if you want progress in things that are important, you must get tough.  I have had to say no to some opportunities recently because it would have hindered what I was trying to achieve strategically.  Learn that no is a positive way of keeping what’s important on track. 

When you incubate the dreams of your heart does it fill you with excitement… does it fill you with joy?  Then ask yourself this question: is it worth trading what the fulfillment of that for temporary acknowledgment of others?  Think for a minute… when that person gets a promotion or goes onto fulfil the goal they have how will that benefit you?   That doesn’t mean that you don’t do it because it won’t help you but if it interferes it what you should be doing…then you are creating long term damage.  Remember, you can help others carry boulders for you and you can help them but a sensible balance must be retained.    Part of coming into your own is spending quality time building your life vision day after day… minute after minute… second after second.   You can’t come into your own and do what you should if you are lifting boulders for others.

Special Thanks to Alex Blackwell who published this article earlier in the month as part of his series of ‘coming into your own’.

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