Archive for personal development

Mr. Enthusiasm

This week I had to go to a choir thing for my eldest daughter.  Now, it was ok, given that these things are usually quite long and are a test of ones endurance.  I couldn’t see my daughter except for her forehead and watching the other children made me somewhat annoyed.  I was cheered up though by the choir conductor.  He was right into it.  Waving his hands like a maestro, controlling sounds, shifting the mood of the choir and so on.  Then the song which American or Australian Idol (don’t care which – don’t watch it) brought back to our minds: I Believe I Can Fly. He was right into this one.  Moving, dancing, swaying, arms waving around etc.  Then during the middle of the song, at the height of it’s power and tension, he turned to the crowd and motioned for us to sing along with the typical ‘C’mon!’ gesture.  Nobody moved or sang a single note.  We sat there, no doubt looking for our children and ignoring Mr Enthusiasm.   Me being the completely backwards lack of social skills type starting laughing uncontrollably.

After I calmed myself down two very important lessons came mind.

  1. If you are enthusiastic about something people will see that passion and associate it with you in the future.
  2. If you are enthusiastic about something and others aren’t… they will still remember but probably for another reason.

I appreciated this mans enthusiasm.  You have to love what you do.  It’s sad so many of us don’t.  But yes, I won’t forget the poor crowd reaction to his ‘c’mon’ gesture.  At some stage I need to remember what I am enthusiastic about… do you?

Tricking your mind by having low expectations

Recently I watched this video with landscape photographer Alain Briot.  He takes an interesting view on goal setting by saying that we should set low-expectations more frequently that set big goals less frequently.   I think during times when personal growth is required, perhaps the best way to tackle it is to make serious choices about what actions to take.  This tricks your mind into focusing on the small picture, while you gradually build the bigger picture.  Nothing new… just interesting I thought. For example, we could give into pressure and quit or we could make the way slowly by changing our expectations.

Changing your expectations

The beautiful thing about that video is that you don’t need to think beyond what it says in order to do it.  All you really need is to set a very small goal and then once you achieve that set a slighter bigger one.  My main problem is that I have set stupid goals and not got there and then got discouraged.  Perhaps it’s easier to set a smaller goal, achieve it then do the next thing.  There is however a catch with this way of thinking.

The catch

As it says in the video you need to make sure that you can do what you can, if it’s a small thing.  For example, Alain speaks of how when he was working as a grad student that he could exchange doing that for making money in photography.  The older you get, the harder this seems to be.  Nevermind, people keep telling me that it’s never too late to start.  But start what you say?  Well you have find the music in you and build on it.  Watch for my up-coming post on craftmanship that will deal with this.

Rather than say a lot more I would encourage you to watch the video (at least the first 10 minutes anyway – to get the gist) and reflect on what you are doing now.  The usual excuses apply of course… children to feed, rent/mortgage to pay.  This is why I have to think about sidebusinesses and the like!  However, keep an open mind as you watch this, the sheer brilliance of simplicity is very interesting.

Intentions… more than a ‘design’

This is a short note about something I read in the dictionary (of all places).  I have been fascinated for a while about intentions.  In particular the motives we have that drive us to take actions.  I looked it up in the dictionary just before and it said a intention was something ‘designed’ or made for a certain purpose:

something that someone plans or intends to do; an aim or purpose

I think the core meaning in the word here is lost in Chambers dictionary. The main thing that bothers me about ‘intent’ is that it sounds like a ‘design’ or something that was made as a fit to a purpose.  To me, an intent is more fluid and therefore inherently more complex.  That is, when I intend to do something I am not completely sure of my purpose.  I may understand an element of it, and have clues as to my intent, but until I take action I am not sure or cannot know what my intent was.   My intentions often become obvious to me after I act. I will often say nasty things to people, then my intent was clear, I wanted to hurt that person (don’t get me wrong I am not Gordon Ramsey!).

Other times you act and the very actions you take reveal what your intention is… it’s not always a matter of pre-defined purpose or action.   So what does this actually mean? I think, it means we won’t always know what we think, until the stuff of life finds you out.  Ok, so this is me ranting… I write obscure fringe papers for a living… what can I say!

Do you nest?

This past semester I added a new reading to a course I designed called information policy and governance about how policy makers have problems with ‘nesting’.  In short the idea of nesting refers to how we make a big decision then allows every decision from that point forward to made using the same way of thinking.   An example is thinking about a major change in your life.  Do you take the plunge or stay on track?  If you nested… you would make the change look like a change but in reality you would be keeping the same old pattern moving along.  That’s nesting.

There are times when we nest, that we are doing so for many (no doubt) mental reasons: security, comfort, shelter and whatever else you can think of that makes you nest.  Often you will hear sports stars talking of how the ‘knew’ it was time to go.  I think sometimes they actually mean they realise the signs of change and they acknowledge the time to move on, mind you if they have money to do it, it does make the decision somewhat easier doesn’t it?

What happens to nesters?

I have a theory about that.  Nesters may be the people that die with the music still in them.  The grumpy old people you see who complain all the time, or the middle aged who whinge and complain about the state of the life or the young who know somehow that something is wrong and can’t work out what.  I don’t know.  What I know is that when I nest, I get grumpy, I stall, my personal development becomes endless reasoning to think through a problem that isn’t properly structured or designed for me to solve.  In essence, whether in our policy-making or personal lives when we nest – our growth comes to a grinding halt.

How do we break from a nesting cycle?

I would think that when we ‘nest’ our development cycle is stuck on repeat.  However, it may not always be the case.  You may need a few years of no growth in order to recover from a long period of sustained growth or alternatively it may be a lifestyle choice.  In that sense, nesting isn’t always bad.  It can be dangerous in some cases though to remain stagnate.  Especially when the pressure and the drive to grow is showing itself.

A key skill is recognising the time to change is when you know it and don’t do it.  A strange feeling of cognitive dissonance waves over you (well it does for me)… you can sense it intuitively.  For me your inward emotions are saying, ‘it’s time’ but your head is full of fear and worry.  Here’s where courage and common sense meet.  A hard place, but one that you have to move on if you are committed to personal development.  So the answer?  You have to commit to change.  The pain of not changing versus the pain of changing?  Which pain do you choose… because doing nothing is still a choice.  In short, you need to follow it through when you can and rely of serendipity and faith to provide the rest.  Plans are a great place to start… but random categories of action is even better!

In closing the Sunday afternoon post, I would like to you to examine yourself.  Are you nested or nesting?  If you are then is it productive to do so?  Is it the right thing for you right now?

25 Scientifically Proven Ways to Make Yourself Smarter – from Psychologists

Here is an interesting post on how you can improve you life scientifically:

25 Scientifically Proven Ways to Make Yourself Smarter

Worth a look… hey at least for me… I need this!

Boxing yourself into obscurity

Obscurity, the curse of being a person who is isolated and without connection.  Did you know that you may only be six degrees of seperation away from someone of real influence?  Probably, BUT I bet you didn’t know that you can build a wall around yourself that makes you feel like you are the only one who knows something about something.  Well, I can say that through this blog I have learned that you aren’t the only that knows something about something.  Others do and chances are they may be equally as interested as you in finding that stuff out.

How do we box ourselves into obscurity?

The way I did it, was primarily through three ways.

Way # 1 – The language we use

A colleague pointed out to me the other day that I had reduced my potential on the academic market 400% (not his words mine) because I kept referring to the work I was doing as methodology rather than applicability.  He encouraged me to use more general terms accepted by the wider community and find more acceptable language to promote myself.  So instead of saying, “conceptual frame shifting” which is academic language I could use, “changing your perspective”.  Now my audience of interest is about 400 times wider than it was before.

Way # 2 – Having  a bad attitude

Another thing that I did which boxed me into obscurity was the idea that everyone didn’t have a clue… but me.  This is stupid.  You are not the only person who knows something about your area.  Chances are, you feel alone and rightly so in some cases… maybe even out of place.  However, you are the not the only one.  A paper I wrote recently was published in a journal that most people, or so I thought, didn’t really read.  After it was published I received several emails from people all over the world saying how the core idea of the paper was helpful to them.  They were from agricultural science, information systems, technical and management backgrounds to name just a few.  Now, I never thought I would ever get an email from anyone about anything I had written, let alone someone in agricultural science!  The people are out there, you just have to patient and look for them.  Most people are not going to hunt you down,  you have to find them.

Way #3 – Refusing to network

This one is particulary hard for me because I am not an out-going person.  I don’t like going to parties and I certainly don’t like swapping business cards!  That’s me.  However, if you want to work with interesting people you have to build bridges here.  It’s hard, but the world is not external to us, we made, co-create and develop it.  Without people there are no partnerships, no buildings, no work, no progress … only nature!  Now unless you worship the sun or don’t need a network to take your ideas and use them, then you need to find partners to work with.    This is hard but the fact of the matter is people support other people, there is no magic here, it’s a simple matter of maths!

There are many more things we do to box ourselves into obscurity.  However, these are the ones that I have used and more recently realised were attitudes that were hampering my development.  I have to be honest here and say more often than not, I will avoid people.  BUT I am learning and getting better at this, and I hope you are too.

Dude where’s my vision: Life is ordinary most of the time

courtesy http://missdebbie.net/

courtesy http://missdebbie.net/

A while back I started reading self-help books.  Now, I need as much help as the next guy HOWEVER… I am starting to wonder why this phenomena has become so successful.  Yeah I know (potential flamers) that thousands of people realised this long before I did.   Anyway, as a preclusion to the following let me say that I think that you can get a lot of value from reading self-help books.  But, one thing has bothered me… so much so that I am about to say it in CAPS:

I DON’T HAVE A VISION!!!

Phew.  That’s better. Nine out of every ten self-helpers will promote the idea of ‘manifesting’ or ‘having a vision’.  What if there’s nothing there?  I stopped (as in put the book back on the shelf and closed it NEVER to open again) reading a book that began with … all you need is a vision.   I suspect that I have dreams, passions and desires.  I sure as hell do (read this for more information).  Nevertheless I have been thinking about this for a while… I have no great desire to do anything much.  Sure, if I could land an agent and sell my book to a willing publisher that would be good.  Getting promoted recently was also pretty sweet and having children is lots of fun.  Yet, inside the great vast of my spirit is the essence of nothing.

I am not alone.  I know of heaps of people that are clueless about the reason they exist.  From the time I was sixteen until now I have had desires, only to find out after a period of time that I no longer wanted to do that.  Perhaps I am a transcient?  Anyway enough glamourous navel gazing let’s think outside the box.

Visions for sale

Perhaps the core part of the problem lies in the belief that our lives are said to have a grand ‘awesome’ plan to them.  What if we decided to anti-vision?  OR Anti-plan?  Let’s imagine that there is already a plan and the plan is to find out how NOT to plan?  I feel at peace the most when I am relaxing and not worrying too much about what tomorrow will bring.  Maybe anti-planning is the answer?  Planning to not have a plan… living by … emergence?  As things cross our paths we can deal with them and begin to build a better existence for ourselves.  Why do we need a vision?  Yes, I know, I have said having a vision is important… but hey MAYBE I AM WRONG!  I think what we find in the majority of self-help literatures is the manifestation of false hope syndrome. We believe in hope and hope lies to us.

We believe in what they say so badly we think we need a grand narrative and meaning to our lives.  Go to a cemetary one day for fun.  Look at the tombstones.  These are ordinary people that died, perhaps they had a dream, perhaps they didn’t.  What’s important now is that they are food for worms.  They are no more.  However, this is not a depressing thing.  It means simply that life can be ordinary.

Life is ordinary… most of time

I can count the amount of times I have had ‘defining moments on one hand.  Marriage, when my kids were born, getting my first real job etc.  Yet, none of these things teaches me about me.  It teaches me, that life is like a punctuated equilibrium with long delays inbetween the spikes.  Why do we strive to work SO hard to have all this stuff that destroys us in the end.  Why?  Is being ordinary so damned terrible that we have to avoid it.  We can’t all be Richard Branson or GOD FORBID Bill Gates.  No, you can’t all be rich millionaries.  SORRY.  Through hard work, divine favour (perhaps), money and good connections you can be something you think you should be… although I am wondering about the hard work part.   Everything I have I worked for, yet in that, the best things I have at the moment were given to me.  Hmm… DOWN WITH WORK!

I guess the point of this post is to highlight the beauty of the ordinary.  There is real worth in being nobody in particular.   Ambition is a double edged sword that on one hand makes you want something but on the other takes you to extraordinary lengths to achieve it. Why do that?  Be normal, be beautiful!

Why should we sell our souls for a vision?

What would you do for money?

*Courtesy the cheezburger people

*Courtesy the cheezburger people

It’s interesting to note what people would do for money.  Decieve others, rip people off, sell drugs, hire hookers, snort coke (ok too much underbelly) and the like.  The question is what would you do for money?  How far would you go for cash?

The reason I am asking is recently a thought had crossed my mind to do with some rather dubious online marketing tactics.  After a period of time I realised that if I was going to do the said thing in question… then I would be deliberately have to deceive someone in order to make some money.  The bible has a bit to say about that so do many other books.  But, in my mind the question that I thought to ask was: what would YOU do for money?  I have lied for money before and felt like crap afterwards!  I have done all kinds of things for it.   YES.  Probably the worst thing I did was steal from my parents when I was a kid (hey they had it coming!). What about you?  What would you do for money?

My 283th Post

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It’s good to be back.  So what have I been doing?  Well, that’s interesting.  Far too interesting to mention in my comeback post.  I will say this however, I have been busy! I have read a lot, spent some and thought a little.  A month of very busy work times made me realise how much I missed this bizarre form of human communication.  I can say, without too much doubt, I am glad to be back.   So what’s new?

Not much.  Good times.  More to come from me – I am not done yet and you can take this to the bank:

Where’s there’s a will there’s a way

A special thanks to all the people who emailed or commented (yes all five of you).  These comments make me realise that in the difficult times you can still have a blog that some people will read.

All the best for 2009 (late I know but hey… we still have 8 months or so to go!).

Thinking Strategically: Why we need leaders

A recent experience has shown me the importance of leaders.  As our discipline (Information Systems) meanders towards a slow tumbling death from hell, I have been wondering where the leaders are?  And yes I put myself in that category.  This got me thinking… sometimes you NEED leadership.

Leaders know the way

What we really need at work at the moment is someone to stand up and show us the way forward.  Most of us don’t have the faintest idea what the hell to do or what is going to work.  Leaders know what needs to be done and they know there is a path.  Even if a leader doesn’t know what the path is and where it will lead they have insight, foresight and direction.  We need a leader to help us in these times and most importantly we need direction.

When you don’t know what to do … you need a leader

In my life I have been spiralling downwards with a clear lack of direction for about twelve months.  I won’t lie, this has been one of the worst experiences of my life to date.  What I have learned in this time is that taking advice from other people is great… but I really need is leadership.  Some turn to various places to get that kind of leadership but for me I find people that are willing to listen and can offer some sound advice.   Still, you can’t live your life around these things you need to “man up” and make decisions that you are accountable for.

A good leader helps you to see the bigger picture

One thing I have come to find very annoying is people who deliberately leave out key information about a topic in order to protect ideas they think are valuable… why share it in the first place.  DAMMIT!  I don’t know how many times I have read something on the internet about how to this or make something and the end result is different.   My wife’s grandmother used to leave key ingredients out of recipes all the time for example!

However, a good leader will be able to call you out and help you to see the bigger picture at all times.  They will be able to point the direction towards what you need… not necessarily what you want.   A good leader can show you the way and point you towards the steps you need to take in order to make it work for you.  They will give you keys and help you to see the very best.  In short a good leader will help you to think strategically.

I think that in every area of life there are leaders.  You would be hard pressed not to find one.  However, how many good ones are there?  I leave you to work that out.