Archive for personal development

A Boiling Frothing Volcano on the surface

Have you ever felt like the people you worked with carried around hostility that was a place beyond shame? Here’s my theory: people are a boiling frothing volcano underneath but it would be better to be a boiling frothing volcano on the surface.

I have appreciated working with people who told me straight up that I was being an ass when I deserved it. I suspect that the majority of the time most people hold their feelings down underneath and hold it in. While there is an element of risk that you will be considered uncivil, strange, emo crazy or just plain weird, I think it’s best to let people have it or at the very least let it out if you need to.

Now should we just go around blasting folks who perhaps have wormed their annoying way into our feeble minds? No. Just yelling is being a complete moron. But, when someone has crossed the line, fuck them, let them know exactly what you think. There is time and place for anger, so long as nobody gets hurt or stabbed, but you can’t let people abuse you time and time again without giving back just a little bit to let them know that you are not going to take it.

Bottom line: don’t let people manipulate you and get away with it. Let them know, in your own boiling volcano way, that you aren’t their bitch. Do it. Right now.

Do you feel like you are going to explode sometimes?

I had wondered why sometimes we are thinking the way we do as a society.  I often think that we just act and never work back, abductively, to an explanation.  Take for example the person who will only act according to the key performance indicators as a point.  They are right to be following these but why do we set them?  Honestly.  What if they are wrong?

I remember thinking once that when make people accountable for KPI’s we create an invisible boundary around their performance.  We say: this far and NO FURTHER!  What a joke.  How can leadership really occur outside the contextual boundary of human judgement?  It’s almost as if we can’t see the forest because the trees (KPIs) are so thick and filled with performance!

I feel like I am going to explode sometimes because I honestly can’t see passed people who can’t move beyond their KPI’s.  I mean bloody hell, if there is a good decision to be made shouldn’t we invest our time and energy in the people we have hired to do the job.  I don’t know I am just venting out here.

I also feel like I am going to explode when I hear people saying to me that they can’t do something because it’s not possible.  But I digress.

Approach Your Career Plan Like a Project

*Special Thanks to Ellen Berry for this guest post.

“What we think or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only thing of consequence is what we do.” – John Ruskin

I’ve always had a plan for my career, but after getting laid off recently, I decided it wasn’t working for me. I was frustrated with how long it was taking to reach my goals, and I felt destined to be stuck taking detours just to pay the bills. I felt overwhelmed about how to approach my career.

Then I shook myself awake and came to my own rescue. It dawned on me that my career was simply a project in my life, and I’m trained in my work to handle projects a certain way. So I applied my knowledge of project management to my career, and came up with a career project plan.

Necessary Ingredients of a Career Project Plan

Needs

My dream career has always been to have my own business that is successful enough to allow me to live the lifestyle I want, that’s flexible enough to allow me to travel extensively, that’s interesting enough that I look forward to work every day, and that runs well enough that I don’t have to work insane hours to make it happen. So my goal has always been to earn enough money so that I can save up a chunk of cash, say good riddance to working just so that other people can profit, and start being my own boss, making my own ideas happen.

However, because I don’t have any formal knowledge of running a business, I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to handle all of the operational stuff – stuff like accounting and HR and legal issues that come up. Not to mention I don’t have any leadership experience. So I realized I need a real-world education as well as formal training in business before my dream is going to become a reality.

Goals

This time around, for my career project, I decided to break down my grand vision into smaller goals. I wanted to be able to see progress sooner. If my goal was to be an engineer or a physical therapist – a career with a well-defined path to follow – I could have looked up a career profile and used it as a guide to establish my goals. But entrepreneurship is one of those careers that can take shape in many ways, so I had to get creative in my goal-setting.

I took my “happy ending” big picture dream and spent some time really imagining what it would be like to live the dream. Then imagined I was being interviewed about my journey to success. I told the imaginary reporter that “it all changed when I decided to go back to school to get my MBA”. Goal #1.

When the reporter asked me what prompted me to get my MBA, I said, “I met someone who showed me why it was important. He had started his own business, and it had been very successful. I asked him if he would let me volunteer at his company a few hours here and there in exchange for learning the ropes, and he agreed.” Goal #2.

“Once I started really focusing on learning about business,” I said to the reporter, “I started generating momentum and things started happening. My boss at my job left, and the person that took her place asked me to start attending meetings with higher ups and taking on more responsibility. I got a promotion, and qualified for tuition reimbursement so I could start taking night courses in business.” Goal #3.

For more articles on developing career goals and career exploration, career planning, and specific careers, check out BrainTrack’s Career Planning Guide.

Objectives and Timeline

Pleased with these three goals, which would lead me along a path to my ultimate career vision, I then put them into a logical timeline and broke them down further into simple objectives.

Goal #1: Find a role model in business who is successful and is willing to teach me how to be successful

  • Go to the career development centers at local colleges to check out internships and volunteer opportunities.
  • Talk to professors and students in business schools about the best strategy for getting started.
  • Search online for advice on how to choose a mentor.
  • Subscribe to Entrepreneur Magazine to read about successful entrepreneurs.
  • Go to lectures given by successful entrepreneurs about how they got started. Attend workshops and conferences.
  • Ask friends and family what entrepreneurs they know who are successful and who might be willing to let someone mentor with them.

Goal #2: Find a way to pay for taking extended education business courses online or after work

  • Look into tuition reimbursement options at work and what is required to become eligible.
  • Compare going to school full time against taking night courses or online courses while continuing to work.
  • Go to local colleges to check out upcoming extended education courses. Ask about financial aid options.

Goal #3: Get my MBA

  • Research good business schools that are known for their entrepreneurship programs.
  • Develop a strategy for getting into my ideal schools, and then start working on it as early as possible.
  • Apply for financial aid.
  • Apply for admission into my top 5 business school choices.
  • Start thinking like an entrepreneurship student now, and begin looking for business ideas that I know suit me well and that I can grow into a successful business.

Resources

Making this checklist of things I could do to generate momentum towards my dream career also helped me get a sense of what resources I have to work with right now – and what resources I need to get. I’m hungry now to learn as much as I can about having my own business, begin tapping the brains and just spending time with other people who are active or aspiring entrepreneurs, and coming up with creative ways of financing my future schooling and business ideas.

Making a Career Project Plan Work

I have to admit, I wish I’d starting thinking in these bite-sized, manageable tasks towards larger goals a long time ago. I could have accomplished so much more if I had just started somewhere, beginning with what I had to work with, instead of thinking of my dream as a far off goal that would happen someday when I was ready for a big life change.

Now that I’ve officially hired myself as my own career project manager, it’s up to me to keep moving forward no matter what… but not like a bulldozer. More like a boxer who stays light on his feet and adapts to what comes at him. I will look for the best opportunities to have the most impact, and make the most of my strengths and overcoming my weaknesses.

Having this sense of control over my career gives me a lot of confidence that I will be able to accomplish my dream. In fact, it’s not a dream anymore. It’s the next level up.

Ellen Berry is a member of BrainTrack’s writing staff. She writes articles about a variety of education and career topics, and has contributed to BrainTrack’s Career Planning Guide.

Stuff I learned from mistakes

Some lessons are harder than others.   Yet over the years most of mistakes, costly and nearly bankrupting as they are, have taught me everything I know.  Avoiding something because you may fail is very hard and I suck at taking risks.  Most of the time though we make mistakes and learn and think that didn’t work.  So what I have learned (or am learning) to do is keep a close eye on my mistakes.  Here are some things I learned from making mistakes:

  1. Don’t cook fish on high with the lid on.
  2. Calamari is like rubber if you cook it too long
  3. You need rear vision mirrors
  4. Make sure you get all the information you need when saying ‘Yes’ to buying something OR doing something
  5. Some people will always use you, even if you tell them, ‘you are using me’.
  6. Your boss is not your friend
  7. Direct to video sequels destroy the good memories of the original
  8. Philosophy is highly subjective, even though academics think they are all right
  9. Most people won’t change unless they are forced too
  10. There are about 100 ways to skin a cat
  11. Just because I think something is a good product, doesn’t mean customers will
  12. Having goals are good, having ambition isn’t always a good thing
  13. Working harder doesn’t mean getting ahead
  14. Doing things for people is not always noble
  15. Computers are efficient and useful, except when they aren’t.
  16. It’s not 1992 anymore
  17. People on the road can get out of their cars if you cut them off
  18. You have to spend money to make money only works when your idea is tested, refined and proven to make money
  19. Liberty doesn’t exist
  20. Max Weber had major mental problems
  21. Existentialism, while interesting, leaves you depressed and without answers (sic)
  22. Never bet on the favourite
  23. Making money online is harder than offline
  24. Students don’t love you when you are a hard ass
  25. Graduate students should not review papers for major journals
  26. Graduate students should not review papers for minor journals
  27. Never say yes to something you would take your name off later
  28. Don’t sign a contract if you don’t understand it
  29. NEVER trust a real estate agent
  30. Electricity works, even when it’s switched off
  31. Quick release wheels are convenient, until they come out while you are riding your bike
  32. Driving on drugs is a really, REALLY bad idea
  33. Women don’t find fat people attractive
  34. Children don’t do what you ask when you yell or if they do, they undo it later
  35. Arguing about the truth is confusing and depends on what the truth is
  36. You are not a research paradigm
  37. Policy works, breach it and see what happens
  38. Managers don’t necessarily think about their employees first
  39. Good ideas go to waste in a ‘system’
  40. Problems are interpreted, misinterpreted then made into policy
  41. Colleagues are also competitors
  42. Don’t say yes to money if you don’t know the strings
  43. There are no ‘friends’ in business
  44. Never take your eyes off the road
  45. If you are bulky (or burly as I have been called) you are likely to be sitting by yourself if you get on the bus first
  46. Same for trains
  47. Doing a PhD is a great idea… until you start
  48. Doing a masters is a great idea… until you start
  49. Smoking is a bad habit…. especially when it’s crack/marijuana or something else addictive
  50. Waving to people may result in a beating
  51. Reading ‘literature’ is fun until page 90
  52. There is no such thing as a ’4 hour work week’
  53. You can’t make as much money as the guy who makes 40k a month without stealing either his market or his ideas
  54. Getting old gets worse as you get older
  55. Having gray hair at an early age does not win friends or get you a girlfriend… it will get you ridiculed as ‘gramps’.
  56. Saying yes to ‘cat’ is a great idea if she isn’t a mentally challenged Sealpoint Himalayan who thinks shitting in your shoes is fun
  57. Things usually get worse then much worse if they even get better at all.
  58. Action speaks louder than a committee meeting
  59. Accountants rule the world
  60. Living up to your potential depends on how much you could be bothered to learn what the fuck your potential is in the first place.
  61. Other people don’t know you as well as you know you
  62. Relatives will be offended when you make inferences about their parenting capacity
  63. People think university Lecturers are leaches in a large majority of cases
  64. Respect is often fraudulent
  65. If you see a car that’s broken down on the side of the road, unless you have a phone, money or mechanical skills keep driving
  66. Dreams are poison
  67. Your words make little difference
  68. Taking a stand carries a price, you better make sure you are prepared to pay for it when you stand
  69. Faith works except when it doesn’t
  70. Believe in what you do
  71. Shoot the messenger
  72. Don’t bet on old ideas
  73. Marketing is for micro thinkers
  74. Happiness depends on context
  75. Church is for church people

These are only a few… add more in the comments if you like. :D

Personal Development the Hard Way

This guest post is contributed by Carrie Oakley, who writes on the topic of online college . Carrie welcomes your comments at her email id: carrie.oakley1983(AT)gmail(DOT)com.

Personal Development – The Hard Way

Personally, I think personal development is way overrated – all the self-help gurus and books exhort you to “improve” yourself by raising awareness, increasing knowledge, rebuilding yourself, strengthening your character, yada yada yada. However, it takes more than books and advice from self-styled experts to give you that makeover called “personal development” – it’s not something you can gain in a day spent at the spa and salon; rather, it has to be built through trials by fire. In my book, personal development is what happens to you when life happens to you – it is the sum total of all your experiences and relationships, it is a consequence of all that you’ve been through, and it is more of a subconscious self-preservation mechanism than a conscious effort to improve yourself.

It was C.S. Lewis who said, “Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, you learn”. He hit the nail right on the head, because no matter how much you’re taught, no matter how much advice you receive from well-meaning friends, family members and acquaintances, it is experience that boosts your emotional maturity.

  • It takes a series of bad relationships to get you to choose your significant other with care and consideration. Or you reach a conclusion that you’re just not the kind who can make a relationship work, so you settle for short-term liaisons and flit from man (or woman) to man like a butterfly collecting nectar. It may not be much of a life, but it sure beats the pain and angst of being in a full-time relationship and undergoing emotional torture time and again.
  • It takes many years to figure out that tolerance in a relationship helps maintain the peace, if you want to stay on in the relationship that is. And so after years of losing your temper and saying things you regret a few minutes later, you’re finally able to find the maturity to hold back and say nothing at all – and you’re rewarded with peace and normalcy.
  • It takes many bad job experiences to make you realize that you cannot be happy unless you’re your own boss, and so you find the courage and strength to go into business for yourself. Sure you’re scared of failure, but the alternative is even more frightening, so you stay the course and do what it takes to make it on your own.
  • It takes a host of bad experiences to boost your resolve and revive your “never say die” spirit – it’s when people have written you off that you feel the need to prove yourself and make something of your life.

So as I was saying, throw away all those books and shut out those pundits who seem to know everything about your life and how you can improve it; instead, just go through each day as it comes, doing the best you can and staying true to your principles and ethics (not morals that society has set for you), and you can rest assured that you will develop personally because of all the trials of fire that life has in store for you. So the next time you go through a bad experience, look at it as a personal development tool, shrug away your sorrow, and get on with life.

Why Do We Stay on in Unhealthy Relationships?

Relationships are the keystone of every human being; we form them from birth and foster and maintain them as we grow older. Some are blood ties while others are the kind we get into serendipitously or seek out explicitly. Some last a lifetime while others fall by the wayside even as new ones take their place. And some are good for our soul while others are doomed to failure right from the word GO.

The thing about relationships is that they’re tricky and are not always the same. They may start out one way and either deteriorate or become better as time goes by. And since it takes two people to make a relationship, you can never predict how the one you’re in is going to turn out. Human beings are fickle creatures and prone to mental and psychological changes depending on their experiences, so you can never be sure how relationships will turn out.

In general, both people in a relationship must work towards making it work, and when makes no effort and the other gives their all, then we have an unhealthy relationship, one that will definitely go down the drain in time. Some of us stay on in such relationships even though we know they’re not good for us, mostly because:

  • We’re scared of change: We don’t have the courage to be proactive and break off the relationship because it would mean effecting and coping with a great deal of change in our lives.
  • We pretend that things will get better: There are times when we’re so addicted to certain people even though we know that they’re not good for us and that we would be better off without them in the long run. And so we pretend that things will get better if we just hang in there and continue to please the other person and do whatever they want. But 99 percent of the time, adopting a doormat attitude only makes people actually treat you like one.
  • We are truly in a bind: Some people are caught in abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationships because they have no other alternative – they may have other factors to consider besides their own unhappiness, like children or the fact that they are not financially independent.

No matter why you stay in unhealthy relationships, the fact remains that they are not good for you in any way. So the sooner you break away from them, the better off you’ll be in the long run. You may even be tempted to take back your significant other when they come back and promise to treat you better, but more often than not, they don’t change. So it’s best you make a clean break when you know and acknowledge to yourself that the relationship is unhealthy and that you must be strong enough to turn your back firmly on it.

By-line:

This guest post is contributed by Shannon Wills, she writes on the topic of Top Online Engineering Degree . She welcomes your comments at her email id: shannonwills23@gmail.com.

You don’t need more information to make better decisions… you need better ideas

Often we say when we are making decisions that we need ‘more’ information.  As Clay Shirky said in something I watched once: it’s not about more information, it’s about better filtering.  I think it’s about better perspectives, ideas and concepts.  Yes that probably is more information but it’s filtered, tailored and well suited to your problem.  Sometimes more information leads to confusion and this isn’t helpful.

What then?

More perspectives?  How about better ideas?  Why keep digging the metaphorical hole in the same place… try something else.  Get somebody from outside the problem to come in and have a look.  Quite often they will frame it in way you don’t expect.  Sometimes we are coming from the completely wrong angle… this isn’t at all helpful either.

In the long run I suppose it would be easier to say that having more information would justify the amount of weight we put on the top of a organisation.  Ultimately though, most of the time, better ideas will do.  Wherever you can find them.

Can’t Thinking

Whenever we are faced with a new problem a reaction can be, ‘can’t thinking’.  What?

Can’t thinking is when we are faced with the opportunity to change or do something and we say ‘can’t’.  The Late Russell Ackoff highlighted this is something of his I read saying that those unchallenged ideas, the one’s that can’t are often not impossible but are considered to be impossible.  They are possible but our mindset tells us it ‘can’t’ be done.  It’s more likely that we won’t try because of what we think or what we expect.  The reality could be completely different.

Newsflash: You won’t know until you try.  So instead of saying ‘can’t’ say ‘won’t’ or ‘yes’ and see what happens.  If you really can’t… then don’t.

Link: Podcasts that will make you smarter

Nancy White from collegecrunch.org sent me this link of 15 Podcasts that will make you smarter.

Some very interesting people here… too interesting and too smart.

:D


Load Balancing your life

One of the cool things about teaching technology related courses is that you often get to use language that makes you seem like a mystical twat.  This twattery, gives you access on a broader scale, to language of another community.  Load Balancing, sharing the load or passing things between devices to manage data better is a common practice.  When I thought about this concept, it was an apt description of our lives in two ways.  Firstly to manage your life you need the discipline to fit in the things you need to do and the things you should be doing.  I am the worst at this.  For example, I should do a lot more exercise.  I need to make time in my schedule to allow for this load.

Secondly, you need to manage what to put into your life and what to take out.  Hmm… this is harder and involves constant challenges to us because a lot of the time what is ‘best’ for us isn’t the course of action we are likely to take.  If you know in your heart that you want to be a fireman, you aren’t studying or even finding out about what it takes to put out fires you will, at some point, have to take something out of your load to make room.  There are some givens here: family (yes the cat counts), work and spare time.  You may have no spare time.  The thing is, if you want something bad enough, you have to find at least a small amount of time to create that load.  Before you can find a foothold in your fireman career for example, you need to create a reason for people to hire you.  That takes initiative, work and connections.  You can’t do it without these things.  How does this work?  That’s another post but for this one, know that part of load balancing your life means time devoted to giving time to your desires.

We often hear about ‘work-life’ balance but what we don’t hear is ‘gift-work’ balance.  How much time do you spend developing and stretching yourself?  Much time?  You don’t have time?  What’s it worth to you?  A few hours, a few days a few minutes?  Think about it.  Do you really want it… are you prepared to learn your craft and then spend the time mastering it, even when you don’t have time or can’t find a way?  If you are serious about this gift or talent or whatever, you will not find personal satisfaction until you spend this time developing it.  If I offered money-back guarantees… this would be the one thing I would stick my neck out for.  You can’t become brilliant until you first master the art of load balancing to make room for what you need and what you want.  It’s not about balance but about development time.  No development time, no mastering of craft, no matter how talented you may be.