At the time of writing this post I am over committed. So I thought I would share with you 5 signs that I have discovered that let you know you are over committed. In true problem solving blog style… I will also present solutions to get you back on track.

You wake up in the morning feeling tired

This can be the symptoms of many things… however when you are over committed you simply feel tired all the time. You sleep 10 hours and you are tired… you sleep 24 hours and you are tired. Personally, when this happens to me (as it is now) it’ s time to think about what I am doing. When you have a big commitment you can’t escape (i.e. work) then it’s difficult to bail out as I will discuss later. You can however, wind back over time which will gradually release the pressure.

You find it difficult to get in the car/bus/train and go to work?

As you walk to bus (for example) or go to the car you feeling a sinking feeling at the realisation of the day you have ahead of yourself. As the day drags on you find yourself becoming more and more lethargic. No matter what you do, you keep getting more slower and feel less like working than you did before. One of the main reasons you feel this way is because you have too much on your plate. I find that if I have too much to do it overwhelms me and I get almost nothing done. Getting stuff done is important but so is quality of time. You may secretly love your job but hate doing so much of it.

Sudden bursts of anger

For no apparent reason you find yourself randomly angry. This can be another symptom of working too much and being over committed. There are a billion reasons why you are angry with life and I am in no wise saying that over commitment is the only one. It is however, one of the things that drives us to anger because we have to work so hard to achieve so little. Just thinking about that right now makes me mad!

You feel a burning pressure

As pressure and stress take hold of you, you will feel it. The stuff I mentioned above, other things like loss or increased appetite, a desire to ‘break free’ of the corporate sausage maker and more than likely the feeling that you just have to work this hard are symptom of pressure. After all… if you don’t do it who will? I mean they are paying you the big money aren’t they? No!

Your body begins to tell you

You might get sudden backaches, rashes, itchiness, headaches, tension pain and so on because of over commitment. This is usually the last thing that happens before you fall over and die. There comes a point where your mind, body and soul start to take over your desire to do a million things at once. We call this burnout. Don’t let it get to the point where this happens. Here are some of the things I do to keep it at bay:

Don’t say yes to things you have no time to do

I am spanking myself here as well. There are times when you think you will have the time to do something but in reality you don’t. If you say yes… you will have to trade something off (like family time) in order to get there. Here is the lie that I almost always fall for:

If I do this it will give me more money to spend on my kids

In a word that’s nonsense because if your kids care more about money than they do you… you have a problem. Sure a good education is nice as is a flashly house… but what price are you willing to pay to have those things… your soul? Next time something comes along and you want to do it remember something has to move out of the way so you can do it. That’s life.

Working smarter

Work can be hard and you may be in a position where you can’t change. One thing you can do is begin to think about ways of streamlining your work. Put it this way: What can I do now that I could faster if I had the right tools? This may mean an investment in software, delegation or outsourcing (if you can). The alternative you keep going until you burnout. Once you go there… it’s gets pretty hard to come back.

Making life choices

A non-materialist way of looking at this is to say: I don’t have to own a house, Jaguar or BMW to be happy. I can however have peace and joy from those that love me. Sorry allow me to come back to reality for the moment and address the heading. You can work in jobs where the pressure is reduced and there isn’t as much asked of you. You can find vocations that pay less for less responsibility… you could also win lotto or fly to the moon in a self-propelled raft! There are choices (jokes aside) that you can make on a daily basis to make your life better. You can build a strategy to improve things over time. Decide to leave at 5pm instead 10. If you are asked to do something ‘extra’ for someone and you don’t have the time… don’t do it. Begin to make these kinds of choices on a daily basis… it will make the world of difference to you.

At the end of the day there are really two kinds of variables life throws us. Those which we can control (minimal) and those we can’t (everything else). The key thing is to learn about those you can control and do something and leave everything else up to God. One of these things you can control is the choices you make about your life and the direction it’s going in. If you are over commited can I encourage you today to begin to wind back? Getting up the ladder lickity split is not what life is about. Make the right choices for you and you will find a great deal more peace flowing into your life.

I recently got my PhD. It was a horrible experience and unless you are passionate about a subject I would recommend that you think twice about doing it. I can say that the title “Dr.” is nice to have … but the price is really high. That aside, there is something I learned about self-worth when I was doing it.

People have a certain idea of what you should be… ignore them

I can’t count the amount of times people spoke down to me, called me names or put me down because of my rank. This is silly because the worth of somebody is not described by their personal monetary value or rank in some stupid ladder. It’s determined by you. The problem is only you can say what you worth and you exude it by your actions.

Under the guise of helping you… people often make themselves feel better by putting you down

In this strange arrangement called society we have all kinds of ranks and files. There are literally plagues of people getting their sense of self-worth from their position or their rank. You will hear all kinds of abusive nonsense from people who are in power above you but don’t let it get to you. I handle it by venting, relaxing and refocusing. So they put you down? You really have two choices… stand up to them and tell them what’s what or walk away. Option 2 works best for me though I don’t always follow it. Hey I am as human as they come. Sometimes I will yell and scream… but more often than not I walk away. It’s easier and makes the other person responsible for what happens next.

People who hug their rank and steal your joy are really soulless life sucking vampires from hell

The title says it all. People who think they can dominate you through overpowering you with their rank are very insecure. Their is a flipside or two to this subject as well… they are dangerous. People that have no clue as to leadership and how to be a cool person will almost always slam you down to the ground just to do it. Your choice is to be a person that people remark about in a positive way. You don’t want to be in the same group as people who are bootlickers of the machine empire of doom. No, you want to be a person who is a creative light unto the world, bringing joy and peace with you. Not some sense of worth derived from wealth, money, rank or something artificial like that. Robots are robots… never forget that. They will always do what the machine wants. See my post about ants if you need more info there.

So what is a bastard?

A bastard in my dictionary (you won’t find that on the internet) is someone who dominates someone else for the sheer joy of keeping the ’status quo’ or dominating people. Don’t you ever just want to wake up and see what’s going on around you? Dammit! Break out of your machine-like cubes and run for justice. There is a door that leads to freedom here somewhere I just have to find it. But I digress.

If you are in situation with a bastard who is dominating you can I suggest the following: you are the victim of a sick relationship. If life is about career, performance and such things then you are only looking at ‘material’ things to adjust to your self-worth. Eventually, these things will come to let you down and you will be left wondering (as you sip your chi-latte) exactly where did I go wrong? Here’s something cool I gained from my time in church:

Treat others as you want to be treated and love others as you learn to love yourself

This never works for me because most people I meet (including myself) are filled with a sense of anger and frustration at where their life is heading. How many people (bastards) have you met that are using you to vent their anger on you? Lots. The choice is yours… you can let them get you down or walk away. Here are some cool techniques I use to cope. Hey, I am an emo-right brained person who feels it when he is slammed so zip it and read the list sweetheart:

Be like Flanders

Look them square in the eye and put a positive spin on it. Say things like, “I am glad you think I am an BLEEP now I know who not to ask for advice. THANKS!” By diffusing the situation and being positive you remain in control of reality.  There are many things you can do here.  Smile and nod is my choice.  It’s funny how irritated people get when you do that!

Use your imagination

Switching frames (perspectives) is a really good way to get over this. I would say this has helped me the most. When a moron is in your face with their blah blah blah do this: Imagine their face blowing up like a balloon. What I often do is wait until they have finished then go into my room, shut the door and imagine them falling over or watching their face twist out of shape. It takes the seriousness out of the situation and makes you get your peace back. Life without a sense of peace is horrible.

Agree with them

When they are on the rant stand up and agree. It will confuse the crap out of them and then they will have nowhere to go. So if they say, “you are lazy” say… “you got my number!” Then they have no way of venting their anger towards you. What you can do then is have the upper hand by walking away because they have nowhere to go except to crawl up the corporate anus!

Make random noise while they speak

This has only worked for me once. Usually people who hear it wonder what the hell is wrong with me and walk away. Here’s the key: people who pick on you have a low sense of self-worth and they are looking to give you the same disease. Stuff that! I would rather sit at home in my glorious mansion (okay so it’s 89 square metre dump… I am dreaming!) and be content then listen to some old BS about productivity or efficiency. Michael Porter can kiss my ass!

Run away

This is an option you can take when your the victim of a bastard. Run. Yeah the tank is empty this is the last one. I have used this and it works.

Don’t let some jerk steal your self-worth. You are worth it.  A really good friend of mine told me not to let people steal my self-esteem.  You can take it and look gracious or get revenge (not a good idea - it only ends up making you like the evil machine of doom I call “work”).   Let me encourage you saying you are worth it… you are a person who has integrity, dignity and self-respect.  A job is not part of your identity … it’s something you do because you have kids to feed or cats to feed or a habit [sic] to feed.  Work steals the soul along with the heart of people who take it too seriously.  There is something good about working… if you love it and your spirit is being fed.  Look up the day is getting brighter all the time because you are a person who is a winner.

In my country (Australia) we very rarely encourage each other.  We are hard workers.  It’s just not in the Aussie culture to go up to someone at work and say, ‘you are doing a great job… keep it up’… or to pat some one on the back and go, “well done”.  I can count on my fingers the amount of times this has happened to me.  Why don’t you buck the trend if this is the case for you in your workplace.  Encourage people, be kind and if you are a boss (like I am more often than I would like the responsibility to be totally honest) treat your people like they mean something.  Don’t be a jerk like your boss is to you.  The final thing I want to say today is this: if you let the bastards get you down then the machine of doom wins.  It can’t win unless you let it.  Remember, it may steal your soul but it can’t steal your spirit.  Thats you in that meatsuit.    I hope that you learn to cope with difficult people who are bastards.  I am getting there… each day more strength and more ability to cope is coming my way.  It’s my hope that it’s coming to you too.

When I sat down to write the article on potential I felt the inner conviction of my spirit turning inside me.  Those of us that walk according to the spirit know what that means.  Here I am writing about potential when in fact my potential is not being used.  Excuse me HYPOCRITE.  After not sleeping for about a week and wondering about it I decided to do something about it then talk about it.  There is at least one area of my life where I feel I haven’t allowed myself to reach my full potential.  This is in the area of fiction.

I am no Stephen King or Hemmingway but I have the potential to be a great writer.  How do I know this?  It’s in me.  You must know what you are good at.  I have that potential.  What I have in the writing area is a natural passion and the talent to do it.  So, I am launching back into it this week and having a go.  Then I will finish the article on potential. When I can say within myself that my potential as a writer is being developed.

I have heard it said that: those who can’t do teach.  I prefer to do then teach.  I am a pragmatist I can’t help it.  Stay tuned.

Yesterday I spoke about the four stages of learning.  Today, I want to point out the missing element of learning that often is overlooked by many people.  This is the part of learning that refers to your natural talent.

Your natural talent

People who excel in their area, such as Elvis, were not just hardworkers. They had a special something that made them different from everyone else around them. They had a natural inclination or gifting that guided them to the target. If you look into the history of successful people you will find somewhere in their story a natural desire to follow a certain path. You have this too and so do I.

How can I know my natural talent?

I can’t answer this with a one line answer except to add this: what you don’t have to work hard to achieve and find very easy to learn could be your natural talent. For me, it’s writing. I don’t have to think beyond writing the next word to know what I am going to say. As a matter of fact as I am writing this… it’s just flowing out of me. No planning, no forward thinking, no nothing. Just a natural flow of creativity inside me. That’s God given. Finding it, is not as easy as simply letting it flow however and that’s where yesterdays post comes in handy. You have to develop your natural talent. You may find like I did as you were developing your natural talent in one area you discovered it was actually in another area! But that’s what makes life so interesting… we all have so much potential (that’s tomorrow’s topic…).

An example of natural talent

Say you like organising people. You love to file things away, be organised and structure things. That’s a natural talent. You may be creative and ideas are always flowing out of you… that’s a natural talent. You may be drawn to cooking, sailing, fishing, running or whatever. It’s that drawing you need to develop and master on the road of life.

There are many reasons why people never realise their natural talent… none of which are important right now. What is important is that you make a committment to begin looking for that talent and start developing it. In the next post in this bunch I am talking about what potential is and how to use it. You must come back and read that if you are stuggling with your own personal development.

As someone who is involved with a lot of people I am amazed at how people never really pay attention to themselves. We dream our way through the day, hoping for a better tomorrow yet we all find ourselves doing things that are against our natural inclinations. Do you know how many people I have met that are unfulfilled? LOTS!

You don’t need a million opinions to know what you like

All I have to do to know I am me is think about it. Really I don’t even have to do that. I know what I like and I know WHAT I am like. I know the things that turn me on and the things that turn me off. I know me. I know I don’t like administration, but have to do it and I love creativity. I like to build things and I hate to destroy anything. That’s me… you are completely different.

If you don’t know you then how the hell can you help others?

I hear it all the time. People know the direction they should be going in (i.e. away from their jobs) and yet continue to dig a deeper hole. At least dream about it and talk about it.  Cultivate the seedbed of your heart with it.  That’s another story. You must get to know what you like and spend time thinking about it. If you don’t then you can’t know your strengths or your weaknesses are. You will die inside as you get older and become a grumpy old ass like this man:

Don’t squash my spirit

My sister in law has this saying, ‘Don’t squash my spirit!’ She has a bunch of other ones too. To me, this means don’t tell me what I should be doing, when you don’t know me. Don’t stop my creativity and brilliance because you think you know better. It is always helpful to take advice but don’t take advice that stops the real you from developing… that’s just crazy.

At the end of your life only one person is going to be responsible for you… YOU! You may have a long life or a very short one but at the end… did you do the best with what you had? I know people who lived for 22 years who lived as much as people who lived 44 years and died. Don’t let anyone squash your spirit!

* Thanks to Aunty Nikki for the title of this post.

I was playing Wii Baseball the other day and all of a sudden I realised that I could hit the ball. I had what I call a ‘breakthrough’ moment. Prior to that I was swinging and missing… trying and failing. All of sudden the pitcher hurled a fastball at me and BLAM over the fence. I had a breakthrough moment.

You can have your own breakthrough moment

Whenever you are learning anything or just starting out… you are really are crap at it. You know that feeling. It’s like the first time I attempted the guitar. I am no Eric Clapton or Steve Vai but I am getting there. However, I couldn’t hammer on or pull off (or rock for that matter) when I first began. I was struggling more and more each and every day then one … I had a breakthrough moment. I could play that song I couldn’t play without thinking about it. When you are learning something stick with it. Don’t just quit when it gets hard. Push against that until you ‘breakthrough it’ to the other side.

What stops the breakthrough moment

The breakthrough moment is stalled by thinking that you will never get there. Anything is possible to them that believe it is. What’s the difference between a winner and a loser. A winner loses and gets back up again… a loser quits and stays down. One of the best sayings I have heard is this: Never give up, never surrender. If you want to be good at something you have to practice but I can assure you that there comes a moment when you breakthrough.

As for me I am the baseball champion. I smashed a 9-1 game right after a 9-0 game the other day.  Am I unbeatable?  No.  But I am a lot harder to beat now, that I can smack you out of the game before the end of the first innings.  How did I get there?  By playing it until I could time my swing right and pitch at 152km/h.  That’s fast.  The same principle applies to anything you wish to achieve and it’s not that hard to get there.  You can become good at anything by having a winning attitude.  I can assure you that you will ‘breakthrough’ to a place when you become a champion… just like me.

When I left school I had a very bad overall position score (SAT equivalent). So bad that I am not going to tell you how bad it was. Some people know and they may spill the beans but I won’t. Let me just put it this way. In my final year I had eight subjects (let’s say) and I failed six of them. I did so bad that I got the fourth worse score you could get at the time. I was devastated.  Now I am a lecturer.  Remember… if you fail it’s not the end.  Here’s why.

You can come back from anything … except death

As Frank Sinatra said, ‘When I fall down flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race… that’s life!’  You are never so down that you can’t get up.  I know that some people think that a setback is the end.  It’s not.  I can tell you from my life experience that a bad result at school doesn’t mean the end.   What it means for you is that you may have a harder road than most as you pick yourself up BUT you will be all the better for it.   Those that have success without really trying learn a different sort of failure later on.  But that’s another topic. Unless you’re dead, gone and done get up and start again.

If you fall that means you can get straight back up

A man I have come to admire is my father.  That man has had more setbacks than anyone else I know.  Yet whenever he makes a mistake or does something stupid he turns it into an opportunity.  This may sound like a cliche but your greatest mistake so far, can be turned around into your greatest victory.  When I got my bad score I had real sook (as we say in Australia).  But, I realised after a while that life was happening and I needed qualifications to do something to make money.  So I found the worse college in Queensland and enrolled.  The college was so bad that my score was the cut off point!  What if I decided to take no action… I would not be where I am now.  Sure, I’m no millionaire but I am employed by a University Full Time and I handed in some revisions for my PhD thesis last week.  In April (God willing) I will be a doctor.  That’s another post for another day BUT if I can do it, so can you.

So what’s your choice going to be?

Life is full of losers.  Don’t be one of them.  Being a winner takes guts, faith, determination and courage but most of all it takes heart.  When life kicks you in the doodads you have two choices.  You either wind up what you’re doing and go home or you take a lesson from Steve Waugh (a great leader and a former captain of the Australian Cricket Team):

It doesn’t matter how pretty you look it’s how many runs you get. 

In other words: Get up and build a better life.  It’s my prayer that if you read this you will take what I have said to heart and begin to get up, dust yourself off and go on to glory.  I know you can do it.