I recently got my PhD. It was a horrible experience and unless you are passionate about a subject I would recommend that you think twice about doing it. I can say that the title “Dr.” is nice to have … but the price is really high. That aside, there is something I learned about self-worth when I was doing it.

People have a certain idea of what you should be… ignore them

I can’t count the amount of times people spoke down to me, called me names or put me down because of my rank. This is silly because the worth of somebody is not described by their personal monetary value or rank in some stupid ladder. It’s determined by you. The problem is only you can say what you worth and you exude it by your actions.

Under the guise of helping you… people often make themselves feel better by putting you down

In this strange arrangement called society we have all kinds of ranks and files. There are literally plagues of people getting their sense of self-worth from their position or their rank. You will hear all kinds of abusive nonsense from people who are in power above you but don’t let it get to you. I handle it by venting, relaxing and refocusing. So they put you down? You really have two choices… stand up to them and tell them what’s what or walk away. Option 2 works best for me though I don’t always follow it. Hey I am as human as they come. Sometimes I will yell and scream… but more often than not I walk away. It’s easier and makes the other person responsible for what happens next.

People who hug their rank and steal your joy are really soulless life sucking vampires from hell

The title says it all. People who think they can dominate you through overpowering you with their rank are very insecure. Their is a flipside or two to this subject as well… they are dangerous. People that have no clue as to leadership and how to be a cool person will almost always slam you down to the ground just to do it. Your choice is to be a person that people remark about in a positive way. You don’t want to be in the same group as people who are bootlickers of the machine empire of doom. No, you want to be a person who is a creative light unto the world, bringing joy and peace with you. Not some sense of worth derived from wealth, money, rank or something artificial like that. Robots are robots… never forget that. They will always do what the machine wants. See my post about ants if you need more info there.

So what is a bastard?

A bastard in my dictionary (you won’t find that on the internet) is someone who dominates someone else for the sheer joy of keeping the ’status quo’ or dominating people. Don’t you ever just want to wake up and see what’s going on around you? Dammit! Break out of your machine-like cubes and run for justice. There is a door that leads to freedom here somewhere I just have to find it. But I digress.

If you are in situation with a bastard who is dominating you can I suggest the following: you are the victim of a sick relationship. If life is about career, performance and such things then you are only looking at ‘material’ things to adjust to your self-worth. Eventually, these things will come to let you down and you will be left wondering (as you sip your chi-latte) exactly where did I go wrong? Here’s something cool I gained from my time in church:

Treat others as you want to be treated and love others as you learn to love yourself

This never works for me because most people I meet (including myself) are filled with a sense of anger and frustration at where their life is heading. How many people (bastards) have you met that are using you to vent their anger on you? Lots. The choice is yours… you can let them get you down or walk away. Here are some cool techniques I use to cope. Hey, I am an emo-right brained person who feels it when he is slammed so zip it and read the list sweetheart:

Be like Flanders

Look them square in the eye and put a positive spin on it. Say things like, “I am glad you think I am an BLEEP now I know who not to ask for advice. THANKS!” By diffusing the situation and being positive you remain in control of reality.  There are many things you can do here.  Smile and nod is my choice.  It’s funny how irritated people get when you do that!

Use your imagination

Switching frames (perspectives) is a really good way to get over this. I would say this has helped me the most. When a moron is in your face with their blah blah blah do this: Imagine their face blowing up like a balloon. What I often do is wait until they have finished then go into my room, shut the door and imagine them falling over or watching their face twist out of shape. It takes the seriousness out of the situation and makes you get your peace back. Life without a sense of peace is horrible.

Agree with them

When they are on the rant stand up and agree. It will confuse the crap out of them and then they will have nowhere to go. So if they say, “you are lazy” say… “you got my number!” Then they have no way of venting their anger towards you. What you can do then is have the upper hand by walking away because they have nowhere to go except to crawl up the corporate anus!

Make random noise while they speak

This has only worked for me once. Usually people who hear it wonder what the hell is wrong with me and walk away. Here’s the key: people who pick on you have a low sense of self-worth and they are looking to give you the same disease. Stuff that! I would rather sit at home in my glorious mansion (okay so it’s 89 square metre dump… I am dreaming!) and be content then listen to some old BS about productivity or efficiency. Michael Porter can kiss my ass!

Run away

This is an option you can take when your the victim of a bastard. Run. Yeah the tank is empty this is the last one. I have used this and it works.

Don’t let some jerk steal your self-worth. You are worth it.  A really good friend of mine told me not to let people steal my self-esteem.  You can take it and look gracious or get revenge (not a good idea - it only ends up making you like the evil machine of doom I call “work”).   Let me encourage you saying you are worth it… you are a person who has integrity, dignity and self-respect.  A job is not part of your identity … it’s something you do because you have kids to feed or cats to feed or a habit [sic] to feed.  Work steals the soul along with the heart of people who take it too seriously.  There is something good about working… if you love it and your spirit is being fed.  Look up the day is getting brighter all the time because you are a person who is a winner.

In my country (Australia) we very rarely encourage each other.  We are hard workers.  It’s just not in the Aussie culture to go up to someone at work and say, ‘you are doing a great job… keep it up’… or to pat some one on the back and go, “well done”.  I can count on my fingers the amount of times this has happened to me.  Why don’t you buck the trend if this is the case for you in your workplace.  Encourage people, be kind and if you are a boss (like I am more often than I would like the responsibility to be totally honest) treat your people like they mean something.  Don’t be a jerk like your boss is to you.  The final thing I want to say today is this: if you let the bastards get you down then the machine of doom wins.  It can’t win unless you let it.  Remember, it may steal your soul but it can’t steal your spirit.  Thats you in that meatsuit.    I hope that you learn to cope with difficult people who are bastards.  I am getting there… each day more strength and more ability to cope is coming my way.  It’s my hope that it’s coming to you too.

My job is not my life and at times I can say without a shadow of a doubt… I would quit if I had the opportunity.  The fact of the matter is that work is getting in the way of my dreams.  The daily adminstrative automaton-like work I spew out stops me from spending quality time working on building a more fulfilling life.   I am sure you are in the same boat.   So what are we to do about it?

Phase 1 - make a heart choice to follow your dreams…

The first thing you can do is make a choice that whatever you think you should be doing that you decide to do it. Ultimately you can choose what’s sensible, necessary and obvious for the time being. But at the very least you can make a heart commitment that you are going to follow what you dream about. What’s the harm? Just open it up and say I will do it! It won’t cost you a cent.  Don’t go quitting jobs or firing people… just say you will do it.

Phase 2 - Spend quality time inside your imagination building it on a daily basis

I read in Embraced by the light, a woman’s perception of the afterlife; that life is fully lived in the imagination. What we can imagine doing… we end up doing. Our imagination was given to us as a building tool.  It’s not just for sexy daydreams!  It’s a great way to open up your mind to things you didn’t think were possible.  Imagine yourself living your dream.  Why?  Simply, because… what you imagine today… you do tomorrow. 

Phase 3 - Look for opportunities and spend dedicated time learning about what you need to do in order to reach your dream

There is always a ‘doing’ cycle in reaching a goal. That doing is not paramount, in fact it’s the least important. You act and build your life from a creative vision you have growing on the inside. Purpose, is built from the inside out.

This works for me: When I am looking to build something and I have inner confirmation that I should be doing it I say (speaking is acting… if you say it with meaning and purpose), “I am expecting you God to help me reach this goal today because I perceive you want me to do it, so I thank you in advance for opportunities to take positive steps towards the end result. I expect good things to happen to me today.” You will be surprised at what you can do as a result of simply saying things like this. Yes, it’s the whole carpark thing but for some reason it works for me. It may not for you so put down your rocks.  The point is find what does work by trying and stick to it like glue.

The other part of the ‘acting’ part is to begin to look into and inquire about the the thing you wish to do. Learn what you can… this is a small part but it’s where you can do the least. If you dream to buy a yacht why not learn about them? Don’t spend all day in the store OR get overwhelmed by the stupid price of these things. Why not save up and take sailing lessons? Or hire a book or two from the library on sailing. Maybe, you can ask around and score a free ride from somebody? Who knows what can happen? To be honest… when the timing is right I have always noticed (often in hindsight) things that I was doing were required to help me in achieving the goal.

So where to from here?

What are you going to do? Are you going to build into your life the possibility of making a difference or are you going to sit back and be an armchair critic? I can assure you of this simple fact: unless you begin to think things can change today, tomorrow will still present you with the same old BS it did yesterday. This is a matter of choice. Are you going to build your dreams by at the very least looking into it or will be like the rest of the ants in this world and simply follow orders. The choice is yours.

Problems, problems… we all have them. One of the most popular ideas in problem solving circles is that problem solving can be broken down into a set of steps. This is a foundational idea to problem solving and for some reason the most well known. If you do a google search for ‘problem solving‘ this will be in results in some form. Even though I have major reservations about what such heuristics can achieve… it’s still a major part of how we think about problems and is therefore quite helpful.

A Five Step Process to Problem Solving

The five steps are usually classified in terms of the ‘life-cycle’ concept. The steps are sometimes four or six or eight but the logic is always the same. So here we go the five step process to problem solving.

Step 1 - Define the problem

Through my research into problem solving I have come to the conclusion that this is an issue of perception. What we think the problem is, the problem is. What we think the problem isn’t… the problem isn’t and so on. However, a working definition of the problem helps us to frame possible solutions. It gives us a ‘best guess’ on what is a useful definition (shape and structure) of the problem so we can begin to move forward. The definition is what you think the problem is. You can always see different views of a problem by saying to yourself, ‘Well the problem is…[insert problem definition here]‘. That’s your definition of the problem. Remember seeking multiple points of view for the problem will result in a richer, more multidimensional definition.

Step 2 - Diagnose Causes

According to your ‘working definition’ you now have root causes of the problem in mind. Note: it’s diagnose ’causes’ not cause. This phase of the problem solving cycle leads us to look for what lies beneath our assumptions and conclusions of a problem to find the generative mechanisms that cause the problem. I believe these things are perceptual as I said in the first paragraph. An example of what I mean can be found in recent economic trends. The causes of the housing crisis are always defined as being economic. This is an example of a diagnosis. It’s from the 1+1=2 school of stupid thinking. In this step we are not looking for simple answers. We are looking for the structures that ’cause’ the problem to exist… either in the mind of the beholder or somewhere else. The important thing in this phase is to look at the definition and trace it back to what would cause that definition to be a problem in the first place. What is the root cause or causes of the problem? Finding the answer to this is the challenge of problem solving.

Step 3 - Diagnosing Solutions

A solution is the proposed answer to what the problem is defined to be. A good solution not only fixes the problem but shifts it so it cannot occur again. The misnomer with ’solutions’ is that there is always an answer to be found inside the system. In reality, the problem environment may be wider and require that the overall system (technical, political, social) be shifted to change things so the problem cannot recur. We are looking for ways to stop the cause from happening. At this level of the exercise we don’t require more information. We need the right way of seeing in order to find the way forward.

Step 4 - Choosing Solutions

After we have found solutions to implement from different alternatives you choose which ones you can try. This will depend on a variety of factors. Things like: political correctness, social competency, relevance, context and power. All of these things help and prevent many problems from being solved at the same time. Choosing the solution is not just a matter of the best choice… it’s a matter of the right choice. This means you pick the solution that’s best given the context and what is feasible or desirable. Some answers are great but the social context surrounding the problem won’t allow the kind of solution that would work. If the best solution was always available to be chosen then we would have world peace. Clearly we don’t so sometimes we are stuck with the one that is ‘right’ for the time.

Step 5 - Implementation and Reflection

The term implementation means when you put the solutions to work. There is a two part process involved in this: The action and the reflection. Here is where I have sort of led you up the garden path. You never really ‘finish’ with some problem solving activities. You try what works and if you get lucky and the stars align you have a once off solution. More times than not it’s a process of action, iteration and reflection. You find a part of the cause, you try a solution, you reflect, you learn, you try again. And on you go from there. As you learn about the problem, you learn more about the causes. The more you learn about the causes the more you see the possibilities of solving it and so on. The most important thing is to never promise anyone that you have ‘the answer’. I can tell you from eight years of studying this stuff… the sands of social context can shift in a second. A problem can be a solution by the end of the same day! Take caution in implementation… make sure you actually learn.

So there you have it… the linear 5 step process to problem solving. Sure, it’s not perfect. It does however, give us a firm foundation upon which we can reflect and learn about the reality of problem solving. One final word of caution… this isn’t a recipe or a ‘process’ that is to be followed by rote. It’s a guide as to what you can expect. Each situation you encounter is different. Always allow for different views, concepts and ideas. If you have to go back and start again do it.  Don’t stick to a plan that doesn’t work… stick with the context and go forward. Good luck problem solving!

When I left school I had a very bad overall position score (SAT equivalent). So bad that I am not going to tell you how bad it was. Some people know and they may spill the beans but I won’t. Let me just put it this way. In my final year I had eight subjects (let’s say) and I failed six of them. I did so bad that I got the fourth worse score you could get at the time. I was devastated.  Now I am a lecturer.  Remember… if you fail it’s not the end.  Here’s why.

You can come back from anything … except death

As Frank Sinatra said, ‘When I fall down flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race… that’s life!’  You are never so down that you can’t get up.  I know that some people think that a setback is the end.  It’s not.  I can tell you from my life experience that a bad result at school doesn’t mean the end.   What it means for you is that you may have a harder road than most as you pick yourself up BUT you will be all the better for it.   Those that have success without really trying learn a different sort of failure later on.  But that’s another topic. Unless you’re dead, gone and done get up and start again.

If you fall that means you can get straight back up

A man I have come to admire is my father.  That man has had more setbacks than anyone else I know.  Yet whenever he makes a mistake or does something stupid he turns it into an opportunity.  This may sound like a cliche but your greatest mistake so far, can be turned around into your greatest victory.  When I got my bad score I had real sook (as we say in Australia).  But, I realised after a while that life was happening and I needed qualifications to do something to make money.  So I found the worse college in Queensland and enrolled.  The college was so bad that my score was the cut off point!  What if I decided to take no action… I would not be where I am now.  Sure, I’m no millionaire but I am employed by a University Full Time and I handed in some revisions for my PhD thesis last week.  In April (God willing) I will be a doctor.  That’s another post for another day BUT if I can do it, so can you.

So what’s your choice going to be?

Life is full of losers.  Don’t be one of them.  Being a winner takes guts, faith, determination and courage but most of all it takes heart.  When life kicks you in the doodads you have two choices.  You either wind up what you’re doing and go home or you take a lesson from Steve Waugh (a great leader and a former captain of the Australian Cricket Team):

It doesn’t matter how pretty you look it’s how many runs you get. 

In other words: Get up and build a better life.  It’s my prayer that if you read this you will take what I have said to heart and begin to get up, dust yourself off and go on to glory.  I know you can do it.

There is a saying from the bible, ‘Iron sharpens iron.’ What happens though when friends are holding you back? People often build perceptions of you that are based on previous experiences of what you are like. Such perceptions are sometimes impossible to shift because people build ideas about who you are and what you represent to them. If you are growing you don’t need that kind of box to live in. There is really one thing to do… ditch your friends.

You don’t need to be held back

If people are holding you back you need to slowly build your life in such a way that you move away from them a bit at a time. Sure, having friends is cool but not if they stop you from growing. It’s not always good to have people in your life just because of history. Neither is it helpful if you are growing and they are not. You need to work on a strategy to remove them from your life. You are no longer helping yourself you are just acting like a prostitute for attention. Move away if you have to.  If they are dragging you back or not helping then it’s time to move on.

How to do it

The key thing is that you don’t really want to hurt someone’s feelings by saying, ‘Yo numbnuts… beat it.’  The best approach is to be honest but gentle.  If they get upset and want to know why let them know.  Honesty is always the best way to deal with these things.  If it’s not appropriate to say things directly or you don’t think it’s helpful then I recommend the following three things:

1. Don’t hang around them anymore: Make plans to do other things and stop calling them.

2. Don’t return their calls: If they ring and ask what’s going on tell them.  But, if you stop making plans to hang around them you have to be ready with a defense of why.  I have found by not talking to people you can often break relationships because the feeling was mutual.  In situations where this doesn’t work… A Dr. Phil style approach is needed.

3. Relay the information through a third party: This is the most effective strategy I know of.  Find someone who you know will tell them (prefacing your statements with ,’now don’t tell them this…’) .  I have used this many times when direct contact wasn’t possible.

Whatever you do you must realise that all people are not your friends.  Some people need the boot because they are soul stealer’s.  They will use you or make fun of you to make themselves feel superior.  Don’t put up with it… get rid of them.

My wife is also a blogger. She decided she wanted to branch out into the blogosphere last moth and she is doing quite well. After reading a Problogger post about his wifes keenness for new pillows, I realised that I had learned something from wife about blogging too over the past month.

Always write from the heart and be the real you

My wife has a great way of just saying what she thinks. She puts it out there. I realised after reading her blog for a while that I had been writing academically. After all this is what I am trained for isn’t it? I wasn’t used to the more open journalistic (there I go again) style of writing that pervades the blogosphere. I guess when I started I thought you know what this is going to be fun. After a while a few people came and I was like woah! As a blogger I think you should be you without telling us what you had for lunch… unless you are John Chow. Ok, so it works. Lesson learned … write from heart and be the real you.

Make each blog post about one thing

It’s late and I’m tired but I can’t remember the word that explains what I just wrote. Oh well… in short make each post about a single topic. One of my favourite books is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Not because of the excess drug taking or anything like that. It’s the fact the whole book is about a trip to and from Las Vegas and all the misadventures of the protagonist. It’s about a single person and what happened to them. Some of my posts what I would call TOE (theory-of-everything) slanted and I try to say too much at once. My wife has a fantastic way of saying something in a short concise paragraph length that I just can’t! Me… with all my bits of paper!

Write about stuff that people care about

I should have known this. But alas I did not. I used my Christmas money (yay) to buy Aaron Wall’s SEO Book. The eye opening thing for me is that he states continually (ok so I have read 170 pages so far and yes it’s been worth it for me… haven’t finished yet it might go downhill from page 170) throughout the book that you need to have content that people want to read and would be willing to talk about. He outlines how search engines are going this way too. Reading my wife’s blog I noticed how each post was a short readable length and was something people find funny. Hence, they would want to share it. Hmm tough lesson.

Right so now that I have learned something from reading my wife’s blog I have to end this post by saying I convinced her to do it. I feel like a man again!

The answer to this question may seem very simple. University lecturers (like me) should not be responsible for teaching students how to manage real problems. However, I disagree. Why?

High school does not teaching practical skills as such

While I admit there are a lot of useful ideas for reaching teenagers and getting them to cope with real life issues and problems, there is still a long way to go.  What happens is that students leave high school and then go into university then go into the workforce. Some, do trades or just get a job. Yet the process of learning is exactly the same. They go from high school to the outside world and then that’s it.

University courses are not that practical in general they are specific

Most university courses I have taught will not teach you how build great responses to problems. One of the reasons I started this blog was because I noticed people who were coming through university courses with no life skills. Yes, they could read and write (and do maths) but where were their problem solving skills? What about creative thinking skills? What about learning how to cope with relationships? If life is all about work then what do we do the rest of our time?

90% of what you do at work is NOT academic

This is hard to admit but how often do you reach for your economics book? Or wonder what Maslow would have thought about your jerky boss. It’s time for bone dry honesty… how useful is the information you get at university, high school or college (TAFE included)? Theories are wonderful… I have a lot of them. But unless something helps me to solve a problem I throw it away. What good is knowledge that doesn’t work? It’s like having a Porsche with no motor OR a Monet with a hole in the centre of it.

Once upon a time university was a place where people expanded their minds. Now, I think it’s a sausage factory. People go out to work after studying and I wonder all the time just how useful this knowledge is?  I have written papers in the past and then thought… is this even meaningful… I mean is this ever going to change our lives? I doubt it. We should be teaching people at University, high school and other places of education how to manage and cope with life. Why? I think there is a responsibility here for educators to realise that a portion of what we teach should be how to manage real life problems. If it isn’t then we are not preparing people for a life in the business world where learning curves are steep and lessons are harshly learned.