* Image Credit: Shiny Binary
Recently I have been in somewhat of a funk. I thought as time went on that I would get better (like how I used to loose weight during winter… whoops!). You know what? I think I have finally worked out that if you don’t pay attention to your secret heart level desires… you get sick. I had previously known that I had pushed myself a little too hard… but seriously… was I ready for this?
Your sleep patterns may become erratic
I have noticed that when I put my head on the pillow part of me is still awake. No, not that part! I am talking about my heart. The creative essence of who I am. The lesson I have learned is that if you have a heart led desire you need to follow it to it’s conclusion. Yes, even if it pays nothing and yes even if it doesn’t work. In my case I found my sleep deprived from me on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean it will happen to you but it did happen to me and is still happening.
You get random diseases
I found that this recent slump in creative output has also declined my health. Ok, so I may be drawing a strong long bow here. Ahem. BUT! Yes, that was a random conjunction… however it serves the purpose for what I am about to say next. And, that is this… I got sick a lot more often when my creative output declined. Now, I am an academic so I know enough about ‘peer review’ and so on so I am aware of this thing called research. I am choosing to ignore it in this instance because I am speaking about my personal experience. I got sick a lot more often then I used to when I was writing more fiction and making films (my hearts desire… incidentally).
A general sense of restlessness
I found that without the creative output in my life I have become really restless. More so than usual. I find that on a day where I don’t have to do anything I will sit around and basically let my ass grow fatter. You feel like you haven’t done something… you know you should be doing. Those creative urges can’t go unchecked. You have to make sure you have them in check so that they don’t scare you into doing nothing!
So what does this have to do with your hearts desire. You have something in there that needs to be developed. Even if you make no money, even if you get nowhere, even if you are a total failure at something you really want to do… if you don’t do it… this may happen to you. There is a discreet link between our spirits and our body that I am only now becoming aware of. If you don’t listen to your spirit and follow it … you may find your health leaving. If you ignore your health, your spirit may let you know that you are being an ass… through making you think differently or by making you violently ill. It’s a two way street. Going both ways at once.
For the love of GOD spend time developing a heart’s desire. I am not talking about ‘selfishness’. I am talking about the thing that resides in the middle of you that you have a sense of goo about. A sense of inner goo. The substance of substances. In your guts you know that you have to do it… so you should be doing it. DO IT! I am imploring you through this post. I am not talking about sick desires either, so take that hat off. I am talking about the desire you think you were born with. That one. Right next to self-preservation. I think the world would be a better place if at least 10% of it’s residents… no 5% would decide to follow that desire. I know, people need to take out our garbage… who better than the garbare person who loves what they do?
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Hi Luke – yeah, we can follow through with our responsibilities (day job, errands, chores, etc…) but if we don’t address our inner passions then everything else will suffer. Hope you get through this patch Luke, and thanks for reminding the rest of us to develop our desires!
Welcome to Houghton’s Hierarchy of Mush!
I am drawn to the expression “a sense of inner goo”. My problem with the whole “heart’s desire” business is distinguishing a “heart’s” desire from any other kind of impulse. So while I would agree that an absence of harmony between desire and actuality is ultimately unhealthy, I still don’t find myself aligned with the views expressed in your article.
Problem 1: the “level” of desire. This calls Maslow to mind, but without delving into that can of worms…what distinguishes a “heart’s” desire from other desires? The mushy, gooey, irrationality of it? What differentiates this from neuroticism? My point is that the sense of inner goo is an emotional response to a counter-factual narrative. That is, your emotional focus is on an alternative to your real situation, and this alternative is constructed in response to a blend of desires where (and this bit’s important) desires that are currently being met have lower priority than those that are not.
Problem 2: the “nobility” of desire. This comes back to “by their fruits shall ye know them”. When we talk about a “heart’s desire”, we are implicitly asserting that it is good: good for us and, perhaps, morally good (particularly if you equate it with “vocation” or “avocation”). Well, I’m not here to challenge your religious views (or perhaps I am) but a degree of scepticism is in order here. Most of us are capable of great things, but let’s say 5,000,000,000 of us are too busy struggling to survive (back in your box, Maslow!). If my “heart’s desire” benefits myself and a privileged few, is it really preferable, ethically, to a more considered sacrifice of self to the greater good?
That said, I’m sure there are better things for me to be doing than commenting on your blog, Luke. Yet, somehow, this seems to be my highest priority (why else would I be doing it?)
Interesting…
@Al thanks for the kind words…
@Alan I think I understand what you have said here and it ends well. Not that those two things are related. However, I think that in the end of it… perhaps I need a better definition of heart. I learned something from reading that. And yes Maslow needs to be kept in the box. I will read this again!