Love it!!!!

I love the bluntness of your thoughts, refreshing from the meanderings of others…

I may just read that. There are a lot of people that can’t stand me.

Luke

I had never thought of it like that before. Competition is it’s own kind of beast. It would be pathetic but I don’t watch boxing or any football so maybe that’s why I didn’t think of it

Luke

Thanks Brian.

unfortunately that advice doesn’t work in any kind of competitive environment. imagine if nfl players or boxers operated on that principle, it would be pathetic.

only one part of that is true in all situations….”love yourself”

things to accept:

-attacks of various kinds are how monkeys and a lot of people gain social status. people attack others because they see them as weak, because they want to control them, or simply out of jealousy. If you cannot deal with being attacked then you cannot have high social status or hold on to anything you have gained, not even a girlfriend/boyfriend. Always look out for manipulation. Do not show weakness in public, ever. Things are how they are, not how they “should” be. Learn to play the game.

-realize that “nice” can be a dirty word. start to substitute “good” for “nice”. “nice” people give or comply with requests by default, which is a learned behavior that many people consider to be manipulative, weak or just plain stupid. “good” on the other hand is more about a person not being evil, while still being strong and taking care of themselves.

-being naive is bad and is not really a good excuse for an adult. Being naive is a warning signal that your perceptions or beliefs need to be adjusted. Not everything is the way it is “supposed” to be. You cannot expect others to share all your values, not everyone was raised the same way or perceives the world in the same way.

-you may be criticized or perceived as the evil person when you finally take action against an aggressor. It is like in football, it is often the guy who retaliates for the foul who gets the penalty. This is just a fact of life, and should be considered, especially if you are thinking about revenge. Often the bad guy is really just manipulating you. Don’t take the bait. Control your emotions and your actions at all times.

things to do when attacked:

-increase your social perception and monitor that attacker and yourself more closely. most likely they snuck up on you or you did something to give them an opening. Do not , under any circumstances, trust them ever again. Once a person decides they want to down you, they never really change their minds. This is where “haters” come from.

-control your emotions and the flow of information you give out. Even your facial expressions. this is especially true when it comes to typed communication. everything you say will be used against you.

-pick your battles. people who are used to attacking are also strategic. they are not looking for a fair fight. if they attack you, be aware that you could be at a severe disadvantage in that situation.

-do not give them the payoff they seek. often they just want to upset you or get you to act submissive or lose your dignity in some way. do not show upset. do not fall into an unthinking reactive mode. The one who merely reacts loses. Ironically an attacker is at the most vulnerable when they launch an attack but do not get the expected result. They have outed themselves.

-if you have the self control and the social skills and the right situation to pull it off, YOU SHOULD COUNTER ATTACK. Notice, I did not say react, or get revenge, because those are losing plays. I am talking about flipping the script and making them the target instead of you. Many will never tell you this because they confuse it with “sinking to their level” or getting revenge. In reality, the only thing a bully understands is force and punishment. If you can punish them without hurting yourself, or putting yourself at great risk, then you should. The purpose of this is to send out the unspoken social signal that you are not a weak target.

-if you cannot or will not launch a strategic controlled counter attack, then you must ignore the attack completely or flee. There is no shame in this, usually when we are attacked out of the blue it is because we are vulnerable. Consider this a test of your survival skills, and react according to what is good for you from a logical perspective.

I’m not quite sure how I stumbled on this post, but it’s exactly the medicine I need right now. I’m fighting a soul sucking joy vampire and your advice is good stuff.

Happy PhD!

GG

Thanks so much for your positive comments I really appreciate it. I am glad you liked my post!

Cheers

Luke

I agree completely. See at work all the time! Thanks so much for the congrats!

Luke

Firstly I would like to congratulate you for obtaining your Phd, and secondly I would like to say..great post!
I love, love, love, love this post!

The tips you mentioned are great. I like the first tip- looking squarely in their eyes and make them mad with a joke

I like it!

Blessings
Gamy

PS: Congrats on getting your PhD, Dr. Houghton!