Developing a sense of self-worth: don’t let the bastards get you down

I recently got my PhD. It was a horrible experience and unless you are passionate about a subject I would recommend that you think twice about doing it. I can say that the title “Dr.” is nice to have … but the price is really high. That aside, there is something I learned about self-worth when I was doing it.

People have a certain idea of what you should be… ignore them

I can’t count the amount of times people spoke down to me, called me names or put me down because of my rank. This is silly because the worth of somebody is not described by their personal monetary value or rank in some stupid ladder. It’s determined by you. The problem is only you can say what you worth and you exude it by your actions.

Under the guise of helping you… people often make themselves feel better by putting you down

In this strange arrangement called society we have all kinds of ranks and files. There are literally plagues of people getting their sense of self-worth from their position or their rank. You will hear all kinds of abusive nonsense from people who are in power above you but don’t let it get to you. I handle it by venting, relaxing and refocusing. So they put you down? You really have two choices… stand up to them and tell them what’s what or walk away. Option 2 works best for me though I don’t always follow it. Hey I am as human as they come. Sometimes I will yell and scream… but more often than not I walk away. It’s easier and makes the other person responsible for what happens next.

People who hug their rank and steal your joy are really soulless life sucking vampires from hell

The title says it all. People who think they can dominate you through overpowering you with their rank are very insecure. Their is a flipside or two to this subject as well… they are dangerous. People that have no clue as to leadership and how to be a cool person will almost always slam you down to the ground just to do it. Your choice is to be a person that people remark about in a positive way. You don’t want to be in the same group as people who are bootlickers of the machine empire of doom. No, you want to be a person who is a creative light unto the world, bringing joy and peace with you. Not some sense of worth derived from wealth, money, rank or something artificial like that. Robots are robots… never forget that. They will always do what the machine wants. See my post about ants if you need more info there.

So what is a bastard?

A bastard in my dictionary (you won’t find that on the internet) is someone who dominates someone else for the sheer joy of keeping the ’status quo’ or dominating people. Don’t you ever just want to wake up and see what’s going on around you? Dammit! Break out of your machine-like cubes and run for justice. There is a door that leads to freedom here somewhere I just have to find it. But I digress.

If you are in situation with a bastard who is dominating you can I suggest the following: you are the victim of a sick relationship. If life is about career, performance and such things then you are only looking at ‘material’ things to adjust to your self-worth. Eventually, these things will come to let you down and you will be left wondering (as you sip your chi-latte) exactly where did I go wrong? Here’s something cool I gained from my time in church:

Treat others as you want to be treated and love others as you learn to love yourself

This never works for me because most people I meet (including myself) are filled with a sense of anger and frustration at where their life is heading. How many people (bastards) have you met that are using you to vent their anger on you? Lots. The choice is yours… you can let them get you down or walk away. Here are some cool techniques I use to cope. Hey, I am an emo-right brained person who feels it when he is slammed so zip it and read the list sweetheart:

Be like Flanders

Look them square in the eye and put a positive spin on it. Say things like, “I am glad you think I am an BLEEP now I know who not to ask for advice. THANKS!” By diffusing the situation and being positive you remain in control of reality.  There are many things you can do here.  Smile and nod is my choice.  It’s funny how irritated people get when you do that!

Use your imagination

Switching frames (perspectives) is a really good way to get over this. I would say this has helped me the most. When a moron is in your face with their blah blah blah do this: Imagine their face blowing up like a balloon. What I often do is wait until they have finished then go into my room, shut the door and imagine them falling over or watching their face twist out of shape. It takes the seriousness out of the situation and makes you get your peace back. Life without a sense of peace is horrible.

Agree with them

When they are on the rant stand up and agree. It will confuse the crap out of them and then they will have nowhere to go. So if they say, “you are lazy” say… “you got my number!” Then they have no way of venting their anger towards you. What you can do then is have the upper hand by walking away because they have nowhere to go except to crawl up the corporate anus!

Make random noise while they speak

This has only worked for me once. Usually people who hear it wonder what the hell is wrong with me and walk away. Here’s the key: people who pick on you have a low sense of self-worth and they are looking to give you the same disease. Stuff that! I would rather sit at home in my glorious mansion (okay so it’s 89 square metre dump… I am dreaming!) and be content then listen to some old BS about productivity or efficiency. Michael Porter can kiss my ass!

Run away

This is an option you can take when your the victim of a bastard. Run. Yeah the tank is empty this is the last one. I have used this and it works.

Don’t let some jerk steal your self-worth. You are worth it.  A really good friend of mine told me not to let people steal my self-esteem.  You can take it and look gracious or get revenge (not a good idea - it only ends up making you like the evil machine of doom I call “work”).   Let me encourage you saying you are worth it… you are a person who has integrity, dignity and self-respect.  A job is not part of your identity … it’s something you do because you have kids to feed or cats to feed or a habit [sic] to feed.  Work steals the soul along with the heart of people who take it too seriously.  There is something good about working… if you love it and your spirit is being fed.  Look up the day is getting brighter all the time because you are a person who is a winner.

In my country (Australia) we very rarely encourage each other.  We are hard workers.  It’s just not in the Aussie culture to go up to someone at work and say, ‘you are doing a great job… keep it up’… or to pat some one on the back and go, “well done”.  I can count on my fingers the amount of times this has happened to me.  Why don’t you buck the trend if this is the case for you in your workplace.  Encourage people, be kind and if you are a boss (like I am more often than I would like the responsibility to be totally honest) treat your people like they mean something.  Don’t be a jerk like your boss is to you.  The final thing I want to say today is this: if you let the bastards get you down then the machine of doom wins.  It can’t win unless you let it.  Remember, it may steal your soul but it can’t steal your spirit.  Thats you in that meatsuit.    I hope that you learn to cope with difficult people who are bastards.  I am getting there… each day more strength and more ability to cope is coming my way.  It’s my hope that it’s coming to you too.

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