Have you ever come home from work and the lights are off? Ever noticed how a friend, colleague or spouse has increased in negativity towards you? Here are seven signs of a failing relationship and steps you can take towards wholeness.
Have you ever noticed a level of nastiness creeping into the conversation. Someone I know once wrote me an email that I was disgusted at. I was like… what the? Unwillingly I had offended the person in question by making an offhand remark via email. Don’t do that! What to do:
Get to the bottom of why it’s happening
Go speak to the person and confront the issue. The worst thing you can do is just let it go. You must confront them and find out why this is happening. Be careful here, don’t misinterpret signals that are coming from people. Check your own self esteem first. The worse thing you can do is confront someone and you have not understood their intentions.
2. Are you sleeping alone?
Do you find you and your partner are sleeping in separate beds. This is a symptom of a bigger problem. You didn’t just get there overnight. You made bad decisions over a period of time that added up to your present situation. What can you do about it?
Find out what caused it
There is a reason. The first thing you need to do is remember, although people seem to act without a reason they have due cause to be mad. Wind back, think through the situation and take it from there. If nothing comes up. Go and apologise anyway. It will come out eventually.
3. When your wife spends more time with television or Myspace/Facebook than with you
Social networking sites often substitute for real relationships. When your wife/husband/partner spends more time playing around on Facebook or watching television than they do with you… you have a problem. The attention you once had has now vapourised.
Make time to spend with them
I have found the number one reason this occurs is because I have not shown significant interest in my partner. Often, I will notice this happening because I am working too much, spending too much time out of the house and so on. Make time. You may think your job is important but I can tell you a divorce is a lot more expensive in financial terms. Not too mention the emotion cost on children and you.
4. Partner stays longer at work
If your partner stays longer at work than he or she should it could be that your relationship is beginning to fail. The reasons for this are many and varied.
Get them off the job
Firstly, why do they want to work more and trade that off for home time? No matter what reason they offer (job security or whatever) the chances are that they are avoiding home. Why? Secondly, find out what the work is like and if it’s truly the case ask them why they want to work more and be with the family less? It is a choice. Oh, but my job makes me work these extra hours. Really? Turn off your Blackberry and save your family!
5. You are going to bed alone
You find yourself ‘staying up’ to play computer games, stumble, digg or looking at porn. If you are doing these things you are substituting.
Don’t go to bed alone
If you are going to bed alone why not get up earlier and work when people are asleep? Why do it? Learn strategies to work smarter and make the time to spend with your partner, just talking about your day, watching television together or whatever. Just do it. Money can buy you a big house but it cannot buy you a lasting meaningful relationship.
6. Partner stops calling you at work or from work
You may be wondering why you stop calling each from work? Do you send text messages to each other? Emails? When this communication slows down and you absolutely dread going home. You have a problem.
Take time out
Stop what you are doing and make a deliberate effort to touch base with your partner. Spend just an hour everyday talking to them. Even if it’ s ten minutes. Write them an email saying how much you love them, do something thoughtful, write a love note, a poem (if you are into this kind of thing) or something you know your partner will appreciate. Rekindle that love by showing the other person that you care. You don’t have to put it in words.
7. The “love” boat has stopped the motion in the ocean
Note, I put this last. Sure sex is lots of fun but should you build your relationships around it? Love is what makes relationships work. Not sex. However, if the lovin’ ceases and you don’t have a good reason (sickness, children, etc etc) you should investigate why.
When love stops coming to town
This is hard to answer in a short communication but it can be for a variety of reasons. Have you stopped paying attention to each other, stopped loving each other. Remember when you first got married and it was ‘oh I love you… no I love you?’ What happened to that? You know what it’s still there. Remind yourself on a daily basis why you got married or hooked up with your other half. Think it through. Write down a list of the things you admire about your partner and speak it loud to yourself. Allow yourself to feel what it was like back then and begin to act on those feelings. If you have the relationship set on love, honour and mutual respect you can’t go wrong.
Now I know some relationships go bad and for many MANY reasons and you can’t save them. But some you can. You married the person you did because you love them. We now have mandatory mediation for marriages that are in divorce court but why does it have to be when it’s too late? If your marriage is in trouble seek out a qualified professional today and get on top of the problem before it’s too late.
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