How to recognise underlying emotions part 1

Yesterday I spoke about the deep things that underlying what we do. In that post I spoke about the need to recognise the deep things that reside inside us that lead us to act. What I want to do today is begin the deep things series by talking about how to recognise the underlying emotions in situations that you may be familiar with. Feelings like superiority, happiness and joy are all deep level emotions that we need to recognise.

People don’t come up to you and said, ‘you know what I feel angry because of something that happened to me once and whether you like it or don’t I am going to dump it all on you.’ What really happens is the person explodes, you cop the blast and then all things from there stem forward to a messy conclusion. Why is that? I think personally that this occurs because we don’t really know how to recognise the underlying emotions that dominate us and why we feel the way we do. We all have them. Why is it then that we systemically set about ignoring what the inner person is telling us. The language of that inner person is not words: it’s thoughts, ideas, pictures, symbols and suggestions.

Often when we think about emotions, we think about preferences. Such preferences I think are stored on the level of our mind. A preference towards Lasagne or KFC is a mental decision based on a external sense. The sense of taste and the sensation we enjoy when we eat such things stimulates in us a desire. That desire eventually becomes a preference towards certain predilections in the area of ’sense’. What happens when the area of our emotions is stimulated by something beyond our immediate sense? What of those things that we notice about ourselves but simply do not like. Such as: anger, criticism, hatred and the like? Where do such things come from?

Foundational Perspectives

Say for a moment you have working class values. If you don’t think about what your values are and imagine that you thought about work and it’s value in your life. I am plagued with working class values. I cannot see a way around it. Almost everything I do has to be work. One day I sat back and questioned this after reading an earlier version of Richard Branson’s autobiography. That person worked hard… but he worked smart. He, with the help of thousands of other people, built the Virgin empire which despite it’s critics is very large and very successful. He now spends his time flashing that toothy smile for the cameras and evaluating business plans (reminds me of the e-myth … not not e-commerce). The reality is this simple: the rich don’t make money from hard work… they make money from having a good idea, making it work through collective mobilisation and so on.

I know people who work as long and hard as Bill Gates and they as broke as broke can be. Why is that? I was bought up in a house where both parents worked hard and made very little money. That is not their fault. It’s a deep ‘foundational perspective’ that flows out as a underlying emotion causing actions. We need to recognise these foundational things and be aware of them. These deep things we believe have feelings attached to them. They are so real and powerful that they make us think and act in s ways that we often don’t understand.

The first step: knowing how you feel

These foundational perspectives are the basic set of ideas that we hold to that help us to make sense of the world. From these we can deduce that there are emotions that build from these perspectives that are part of us. We often identify ourselves with certain things like work by attaching our emotions to them. We cannot help it. When I say I am an academic it makes me feel something. Something deep. That deep thing that I feel is a sense or a ‘knowing’ of what I think an academic is. I think of ideas, papers, teaching, marking and so on. Each one of those activities raises within me a certain level of  ‘feeling’ that I really don’t understand. When I think of the amount of administration I have to do in my job… I have feelings of dread! I hate administrative work though it’s necessary. Those underlying feelings are incredibly important because that’s how we can know what we are like not what we think we should be.

The question for me is why do I hate administrative work? I can tolerate it, I can use positive thinking to cope with it but essentially I hate it. Deep down there is some feeling arising out of the real me, the inner me, letting me know that I am not like this. This doesn’t mean I quit doing it… but I probably should not pursue a career in it.  If we think about this from another angle.  Why do I feel the need to avoid the work?   What is it in me that makes me want to not do it.  It could be that I simply hate it.  On the other hand it could be because I am lazy!   If you have inclinations towards certain kinds of things (I am not talking about nasty things) like sport, writing, reading or whatever that’s you coming out.

I really like to write.  There’s something in me that feels the need or desire to do it.  I cannot explain why.   Ever met someone who just sends you batty and you cannot work out why?  That’s something in you that sends you nuts.  I met this guy once who just had to be the centre of attention.  He would make loud jokes and remarks and no matter what he would always have to be the centre of attention.  It got the point where I felt like strangling this guy because I am exactly the opposite.  I don’t like to be loud or to be the centre of attention.  At heart there was a personality conflict.  Neither of us could really help it… it’s just our core personality floating to the surface.

Before we move on to the next post I would like you to think about something.  Think for a moment why you are the way you are.  Why not in the interim take this personality test to get you started.   If you would prefer a funnier test why not take this one that helps you see what kind of Simpson you are!  By the way I am a moderate introvert. Thanks for reading.

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