Recently I tried to publish some fiction.
That has be an on-going side project for me for sometime. When I started trying to do it, earlier, I tried to write like Stephen King because I love his work. Then I read a lot and tried to write like them. My words came out, went around, turned a corner then came back again. It wasn’t me in other words. It was some other person pretending to be me. So I guess the end result of that was my work was not me. Sure, what I write is bottom to mid level shit, it’s not going to win any author adorned literary novel wanna be prizes. But, (don’t start sentences with but) it’s me. I am my own worst enemy. Why pretend?
If you don’t be you – then when you get what it is you think you want – they will want the other guy and not you.
Last year I tried to switch my work over to management theory.
It didn’t work. All I got was a pile of rejections, a headache and I confused the fuck out of myself. It’s not me. I teach management, surely. I understand it. But (there I go again), my research is focused on generalist issues. Even if I never make it into the Journal of Every Academics Wetdream, I have to be me. I should have known. This confused me so badly that I lost my sense of direction and became depressed. It was not until this year that I began to realise that you can’t be Stephen King. You can’t try to do something that doesn’t convey who you are. Excellent scholarship aside, what are you trying to say – what’s your message? Stick to it. Don’t make the mistake I did. Also read this: http://goinswriter.com/.
What did it cost me?
A shitload. I lost a bit of self-respect, I lost the audience I had growing here, I lost my sense of purpose for why I joined the academic enterprise, I forgot who I was. I read a book by this bloke (http://goinswriter.com/) then it hit me like a nail on the head. Stop trying to be a super cracker mega whatist super fucking awesome guru. It’s not you. You like to write obscure fiction, that nobody will ever read, you like to write papers that are general in nature. You are so bad at social media that you only have one account. You are the original asshat! Be YOU.
To that end watch this space. I think I misunderstood what I was trying to do here. But (yes I know) that happens.